stiiiiiiill no baby!
October 05, 2006 at 11:03 a.m.
Helloooooooooooo!
Yep, 2 days late. She sooo takes after her mom. I was weeks late, or so I hear. And I'm Mormon, so I'm late to everything. Chip off the old block!
I'm not as anxious as I should be. My MIL is here and we have the nursey set up - we bought a set of shelves and a crib, and then she painted huge colorful flowers on cardboard and we stuck them to the wall, so it looks ready for baby. I'M personally not all that ready, but having bottles and onesies and all those things they tell you that you need for babies makes me feel just a little more confident. I'm still NOT okay about labor, but there's a feeling of resignation that kicks in - and some adrenaline. It'll happen, whether I want it to or not, so might as well get psyched up about it.
My MIL keeps trying to pep me up to this motherhood thing by telling me how much I'll adore my daughter and just insantly fall in love - and that actually has the opposite effect I'm really okay with the idea that I might not be all twitterpated at first, it didn't happen to my mom and other people I know. I love her already, because I know God trusts me enough to take care of her, and that's good enough for now. I'll get the chance to get to know her and I'm sure I'll be all retarded about her, but I'm not building it all up in my head, you know? I don't want to get all disappointed if the right chemicals don't kick in at the right time.
I still can't believe I'm pregant you know... not for much longer, I hope! But it still is a shock to realize that this is going to happen and nothing will be quite the same. I try not to dwell on that too much, becuase it just makes me cry and I need to be strong for Jared. And it does no good to be telling myself my life as I know it is over - might as well go ahead and be positive about it and use some healthy, much needed doses of denial.
I'm so sorry my comments are being stinky! I love you all for getting in touch with me though... not having the internet is the most irritating thing EVER. Jared posted a blog to our family blog where he vents about that and other things, it's kinda sweet - check it out here. I miss you all, I don't have time to read any blogs and I'm dying to know how everyone is doing. I will get a chance when I get to get on the dang internet when I'm in the hospital. I want to go into labor for the internet alone!!! (maybe God is using internet as the thing that gets my psyched about this birth, since very little else will... sneaky!!)
It's funny, I'm still looking pretty good - about 7 months pregnant, and when people ask when the baby is due, it's fun to say "2 days ago!" I'm going to miss the kicking... I'm scared and all about everything, and I'm uncomfortable, but I've enjoyed feeling her move around inside of me. She was the friend I needed when Jared was gone for those 2 months, and now when I'm scared at nice, she moves around to let me know I'm not alone.
Maybe I am falling in love with her?
I hope I will write you soon with pictures and news... pray this munchkin wants to come out! And that it doesn't hurt too bad... puleeeeeessssseee!!!!
SUPERCRACK still has a guest in her uterus!