wouldn't it be nice....
November 19, 2002 at 6:53 p.m.
so I'm sitting there in the library, working my butt off to finish this mega hard Romantic Theory assignment this afternoon..
Analyzing the snot out of a Brahms piano quartet. wheee.
It's been this way since I can remember. Working butt off, analyzing, figuring, playing things I don't like and don't care about.
That's what school is all about. You have to barrel through the crap, but at the end, against your will, you have bunches of information and skills, no matter how pointless that contribute to making you stronger and better at whatever you were shooting at.
SOme people don't think a degree is that important. But I see why. Education is one of the few things you can take with you to the next life. SO I don't complain.
But staring at the piano quartet today... I hate Brahms. I always have. And I hate Romantic chamber music. I can't stand hearing it and playing it is always a headache.
ANd I've ALWAYS despised music theory. And 7 pages of analysis of a 30 page movement of Brahms (did I mention IIIIK??). Dang, I hate all forms of music theory. I can stand form analysis of classical symphonies.. but that's about it. Dagnabit.
And I'm sitting there staring at this stuff..... and it occurs to me ......
Dang it, I already have a bachelors degree. It's the first time that's ever occured to me. I HAVE A BACHELORS.:) Not that I don't want a masters desperately... but I have a degree. wheeeheee.
And um... I HATE music theory. I hate most of the stuff I have tot do to get this degree. I see the use in it all, but most of it is useless to me. I'll never audition for a symphony or perform a Mendelssohn octet and that's what I'm beting forced to learn right now.
AND THE POINT IS......
I stared at that assignment and desperately wished I could get into Cirque du Soleil because then I could get a break from this endless drivel and do what I'm actually good at.
This is bad - actually wanting this gig is bad because if/when someone more qualified gets the gig, I'll be depressed.
And honestly - what happens if I don't get the gig? I get to continue getting a masters and working at a fabulous music academy. It really is a winwin situation....
except that I would really not mind getting this gig.... just having the opportunity is amazing... but dang I wouldn't mind this giiiiig....
le sigh.. someone please let me be in denial about this or I'll get nervous.
I think that I will never be sucessful enough to someday to keep from having my brother Quinn finding something to treat me like crap about. Even if I actually started earning some money he'd find another reason.... AT LEAST MY SIGNIFICANT OTHER ISN't LIVING IN MY PARENT'S BASEMENT TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY PARENT'S KINDNESS!!!!!!!
pant pant.....
I'll never be good enough for that stinker. It's really hard to love him .... or myself, when he's around. Good thing I'm in another state.
Have a niiiice day folks:)
SUPERCRACK signing off....