How Reva Got Married
November 03, 2005 at 2:53 p.m.
I feel like I should finally give a tiny bit of explanation to why I liken my wedding to having major surgery. Honestly, it was the greatest, best thing I have ever done and I haven't a single regret. But, let's face it - I'm Reva, and I freak out at change. And this was a HUGE change, and therefore, I flipped.
SOOO here is my story of How Reva Got Married. Bear in mind that other people might have other, more interesting ways of telling this all, but for me, this is what my harried brain remembered.
We flew to Denver together 2 days before the wedding... we knew it was going to be the last time we were 2 single people on a place - and Jared was stressed out about, well, everything. I was okay though. I just wasn't ready. Really scared. I kept wishing we'd get there sooner or never at all. Buuut we did, and we got a rental car and drove to my parent's house.
Most everyone from my family was there already, and all my lifesavers, aka, bridesmaids (Danielle from Texas, Jessica from Arizona and Annie from Colorado), and as we entered the house it was like - the COUPLE is here. Suddenly, WE were the reason that people were there. I immediately got freaked and Jared, who is not a huge fan of attention, freaked out even more and got annoyed in his own Jared way, and proceeded to be slightly annoyed the rest of the weekend. He wasn't used to my loud family yet, and boy howdy, do they get loud!
So I'm suddenly really self conscious, and Jared is annoyed, and I hide upstairs with my bridesmaids who attempt to call me down. They also proceeded to do this for the rest of the weekend. Danielle even brought me her �wubby� to sleep under to bring me some comfort. I�d been calling her up freaking out since I�d met Jared 5 months before, so she figured the pattern wouldn�t stop there. Smart girl!
Jared and his family stayed at the home of a family friend, and my house was full of my family and my girls. And one thing that was the toughest was the idea that because we weren�t married, we were supposed to be kept away from each other. He was supposed to do all these guy things and I was supposed to be with the girls. But I was marrying HIM, and needed to talk to him and feel good about it, which I wasn�t at the time because I was so freaked out. Now he didn�t need any time with me to discuss anything, because he is the Jared, he�s logical and when he decided to marry me months before, that was the last time he had to answer the question for himself. From then on, he was good and was just waiting until it was all over, no soul searching left. Oh, that, and also he had to spend a weekend with a lot of people that he didn�t know and it was making him even more annoyed. Poor boy.
I, on the other hand, was marrying someone � which in itself was driving our fair heroine into conniption fits � and on top of that, it was someone that I�d only known for a few months, and I was still very not used to him yet. So when Jared got annoyed, I assumed it meant that I was the one who annoyed him and I was a horrible person and I should go and cry for a few hours. Which, by the way, just drove him crazy and made him even more annoyed because he had no idea how to handle me when to his logical self, my crying for hours had no logical reasons.
Which is true, by the way. And being married for almost a year now, we handle each other MUCH better. He doesn�t get annoyed very much and I notice when he needs some space and also know now that it was absolutely nothing to do with me.
But on our wedding weekend, this bit of intelligence was not yet known.
I did however get to try on my dress for the first time � my friend Susanne had designed it and had been making it up in San Francisco, and it was finally ready! This is me trying it on for the first time:
And me practicing sitting in it (hey, it was a poofy skirt! You have to practice that!):
And this is an unhemmed view of me trying walk upstairs � WAAAAAY cool, huh?!?!
So the day before we got married, I went to the temple for the first time with my family and friends. In our faith, our temples are a very special place that you go when you are an adult, ready and also worthy to make covenants and promises with God. It�s a very ancient experience that dates back to Biblical times and was something that I had been very scared to do. It�s just another big step into adulthood, and we all know how freaked out those make me:) We don�t discuss the details of the temple outside of the temple because it is so sacred, and that unknown factor was scary too. But going to the temple for the first time is a big deal, and I�d decided to do this with my family and friends who were all there the day before my wedding. So I got all dressed up in my Sunday finest and headed to the temple with my parents and lots of family and friends in tow. This is a picture of the Denver temple:
And me with my parents as we headed there:
It was an incredible experience. I was of course overwhelmed the entire time � but as I was there in the temple, I was surrounded by so many family and friend who had made that step before and were there for me as I was taking it too. My parents, my brothers and their wives, Annie, Sabrina and her husband, my aunts, Pascal, Jared�s parents � and Jared. I couldn�t be too scared, too upset, with my wonderful family and friends around me. To me, there are very few feelings better than being in the temple with Jared. He has this way of looking at me that makes me feel more safe and better than I feel anywhere else.
That was a feeling that oh boy howdy did I ever need later!
So after the temple, everyone went out to lunch and headed to the church to decorate for the reception the next day. I was freaking out and asked to be left behind at home, and cried myself silly for a few hours. I finally called Jared and asked him to come over, which he did, and sat him down and tried to talk him out of this marriage thing. I was altogether too emotional to make any sense and logical Jared kissed me, told me he was marrying me the next day and I should put some shoes on so I could go get some dinner.
That was that. As I said before, I�ve learned since to love his matter-of-fact way of helping me survive my fears, and he has learned that sometimes, a moment of silence and a few snuggles will work wonders.
But miraculously, I blew my nose, put on my shoes and headed to the church with him to meet up with everyone decorating.
There, my mom had put together a Reva and Jared trivia game, and everyone tried to figure out some facts about the couple. It was really funny and I learned some things I didn�t know about Jared. And being with my lovely family and friends helped. I did however, cry myself to sleep and poor Danielle and Jessica had to talk me out of stealing Pete�s car and driving to Canada.
The next morning, I awoke earlier than everyone else and crawled into bed with my mom. It was my wedding day. Except I was terrified that I was about to make the biggest mistake of my life, and cried so hard that I apparently could be heard through the entire house and scared my cousins. Mom held me and told me that if I�d just grab my veil and some pants, we could go to my hair appointment and try that out � and if I still didn�t want to be married after that, I wouldn�t have to go though it. Mom is smart � baby steps.
So I went to go see my hair chick and cried and cried the entire time while she and my mom just laughed at me. But after that, I had a whole bridal breakfast/bridal shower with all my girls, so I should at least go to that � so again, with the baby step approach, mom tricked me one step further to the actual marriage part of the day.
They were wonderful � our friend put together a lovely breakfast and all my girls �friend and family alike � laughed their way to making me happy. I got some cool presents and this also makes me happy, so I was tricked into a good-ish mood. I�ve got some good friends:)
My family drove me to the temple for our wedding appointment � our church calls them �sealings� � because we believe when we get married, we are sealed together for eternity, and I got all dressed up. I was an actual bride. With a punk of a fiance that at one point went AWOL and no one could find him. Our plan was to get to the temple, got all dressed up for pictures, then head in for the actual ceremony. So I got my dress on and headed outside of the temple. When I stepped outside in my dress � I felt like a princess � every sense � no one had seen me yet all dolled up and I was suddenly a BRIDE. It was so lovely � this picture says it all:
And then Jared walked up to me and all the clicking insanity went on. But that moment � that was really, really neat. Reva the Bride. Woohoo!!! It was really, really bright out there, and Jared had a headache, so in every picture, he�s looking like I�m shoving something unpleasant up his tush. Also, with all the pictures and family yelling about what to do, he was slowly going insane. I�ll add this picture of Jared with my brother Quinn � as it is the ONLY decent shot of him all day:
This is an example � this is us and our parents and Jared trying to avoid the light in his eyes-
Here�s one of us -
But these are my favorite � me and my Jared in front of the temple:
As our family and friend filed into the temple for our sealing, they put me in another room to wait for a few minutes. All by myself, in this beautiful room, wearing this huge white dress, I didn�t feel like myself. This couldn�t be me � I had no idea what to do I was so terrified. I seriously considered bolting, but then they sent Jared in there. And that look that Jared gets when we�re in the temple was with him. So he sat next to me, suddenly not annoyed at all. This was both of our favorite moments of the entire day. I was already crying and asked him if he really wanted to go through with this. He just smiled and held me and told me he did � because he loved me and wanted to spend forever with me. And we sat there � in peace � finally, and I felt really, really loved. I wish I could totally explain it � suddenly, everything was quiet after the crazy din of family and planning � and it was two of us, silently sitting there, getting up the courage to take those giant steps together. I get that moment back, every time we sit in the temple together. I have my bestest of friends loving me in just the way I need to be loved. His smile was the best thing I�d ever seen, just at that moment.
And somehow, that smile distracted me enough so that when we were told that everyone was ready for us, I stood up with him and we walked hand in hand into the room filled with our smiling family and friends. It�s not like other religions I suppose, walking down the aisle, but it was perfect and beautiful for me � walking together to greet our family and friends. Each step together. It was really wonderful for me. Plus he was holding my hand so tight I couldn�t run.
The few things I do remember were me crying the entire time, and pausing on the "Do you or don�t you Reva?" question� Jared thought I would say no in that moment, and I wasn�t sure what would come out of my mouth � but another voice other than mine seemed to come out and answer in the affirmative.
It went by very quickly, and before I knew what was going on, people were coming up to us and hugging us and telling us how happy they were. I do remember Pascal coming up to me and saying "Hey! You did it! You�re married!!" and I punched him and told him I wasn�t. Denial is my favorite vice : ) Jared just squeezed me and told me I was indeed and laughed at me.
We walked out of the temple, my tears dry on my face, and I felt insanely different. I had changed into my mom�s big winter coat and a white dress Jared�s mom had bought me for that day so I wouldn�t mess up my beautiful dress in cars. Danielle and Jessica were outside waiting to hug me and kiss me and tell me they were happy for me�. and then, I was finally married � so I was allowed to get in the same car with Jared and drive away.
The reception was later that evening, so Jared and I knew we needed to eat or we�d go bonkers, so we drove to my favorite spot to eat in my hometown, Tokyo Joes. It�s fast Japanese food � good stuff and I love it so. But I walk in and we order and we sit there � and wow � we�re MARRIED. On our wedding day. Eating Tokyo Joes. I was in shock and Jared was preoccupied. I knew he was just eating so he wouldn�t get a headache later, but I was eating because it was my wedding day and I was eating � alone, finally, with my HUSBAND, at my favorite restaurant in Colorado.
Okay, so maybe it�s not that interesting, but boy howdy I thought it was. Eating lunch with my husband. Wow!
So then we headed to my parents place to grab some of my things and we checked into the hotel for a nap. And I meant that people, we really did take a nap! We needed the energy for later, sheesh. Minds in the gutter! And then I start getting frantic phone calls from my bridesmaids, insisting I get to the reception NOW. It wasn�t started yet � said I � Nooo � said they, but I HAD to come because they had a surprise for me. SO, we headed to the reception and I changed back into my wedding dress.
Now, in our temple, we dress in white, all the time. So my dress had to be completely white, and it was. In the gathers of the skirt, there were tied small white roses that I wore in the temple. But for the reception, hey, it was me � so we added red roses next to them: ) Now, I thought we would just tie them on and go, but my girls had something else planned. Each one knelt down, and as they tied a red rose on, they untied a charm that had been hidden there the whole day � I had no idea!! Some of my girls hadn�t been able to come inside the temple, but they had put a charm into the dress that meant a little piece of them was there with me. Like I hadn�t been crying enough, people!!! It was so wonderful!!
Annie, pulled an alligator charm off because of our escapades at the alligator farm that summer,
Danielle a green shamrock because of how we used to play Irish music together at the rest home in Denton, Jessica a fireman hat because of.. well, it�s a long story but we like firemen:), my cousins Kelly and Nicole picked a Butterfly and a red purse � the butterfly because I reminded them of one � flightly and colorful, and the purse because Nicole kept trying to steal mine. And Lilia a baseball bat because� oh heavens I�m not explaining that one either, and from my dress-making-diva Susanne, a dancer because she made the dress for me so I could dance in it � with all the sounds and movement to make me feel wonderful. My mom hid a charm in there of a small owl she�d always loved because her mom had given it to her and cautioned her to always be wise,
and my something borrowed was a necklace of Danielle�s that they�d sewn into a pocket into the folds of the skirt � and I looove that necklace, I�d been trying to steal it for years and dagnabit, since it was �something borrowed� she still wouldn�t give it to me.
All these secrets inside my dress� and all these beautiful women who loved me� wow. What an amazing gift!!
But, the one thing they forgot to do was remind me to re-apply makeup after crying all day long, so unfortunately, all the wedding pictures we shot right after this tear-fest had me looking like this:
Eh, I was happy, and all cried-out. And I�ll remember that until the day I die: )
Ah well, the important thing was that I had everyone who loved me all there and wrapped up in wedding goodness, and my husband at my side. We had a jazz combo � who I specifically asked to NOT play any soprano saxophone, which they still did, but everyone ate, danced, and had a marvelous time. We didn�t want a big expensive wedding cake, so we rented a chocolate fountain and little kiddos with chocolate all over their faces were running around like crazy people. Heck, Jared�s cousin got some on his EARS!
The reception was a blur, eating, dancing, and general craziness. I just couldn�t believe it was MY wedding reception.
Dancing with dad�
Dancing with my cousin Connor:
Just generally running around:
I couldn�t find the groom most of the night, but we both had too many people to talk to so we just smiled and waved from across the room from time to time. But when it was time to go, he insisted we sneak away so he wouldn�t have to deal with any more crowds, so I was rushed off in a panic and all I remember is my mother running out of the church screaming goodbye as Jared peeled out of the parking lot.
Good gravy, he had other things on his mind�.
And when we get into the hotel room, we were surprised with a total treat � our friend Pascal and Mike had decorated the room with treats and notes and practical jokes � including homemade pasties, as shown by Pete here demonstrating them (Dani took this when they were making them - he was NOT in the hotel room!) and Pascal himself had braided an entire licorice thong. We totally have the weirdest friends EVER!
And I�ll leave you with that, as the rest of the evening was simply magical and not rated-G. My wedding day. And from that day on, Jared ceased to be annoyed fianc�, and became Reva�s Husband. I don�t say that because I call the shots - mean it in the sense that from then on, his number one mission was to make me happy. Because he takes his husband job seriously. And I attribute that amazing blessing to having been married in the temple � 2 people with the same goal, and the understanding that we want to keep the light of Christ in our home together, and the only way we can keep that good spirit in our home is to treat each other so that smile and love are always there. As the man, he has specific duties and as I woman, I have some too � but as a man, he knows it�s his job to take care of me, and I don�t just mean shelter and all that, I mean, emotionally, spiritually, he�s been told what he needs to do and he does it every day. I get the same feeling that I had on my wedding day � when were sitting together in that special room alone, where it was quiet, and Jared�s warm arms meant I was safe � loved, and home - I get that same feeling now when we go to the temple together, and when we go to church every week, and when we have prayer together every day. I am so lucky to have such a spiritual and sweet man to wrap his arms around me and help me do what is right.
I can�t believe we went through with it. That I was so lucky to find him. But I did.
I need to send a thank you out to my incredible bridesmaids � Dani for all the great pictures, Annie for all the advice and Jessica for all the hugs.
Thank you for making me get married. I couldn�t have done it without you and I love you SO MUCH!!!! And know that you have totally earned me as your slave when you decide to get married. Coincidentally enough, that will be next week, as I head to Denver to see Annie get married. Which I am SO excited for!!!
Congrads to all who made it this far. It was almost 10 months ago that I got married, and it�s about time I wrote this all up. Whew, that was fun!
SUPERCRACK did it!!