truckin'
February 01, 2005 at 5:38 a.m.
Okay fess up - who read 102 pages of my diary uesterday? that's just weird, people - I am NOT that interesting. So fess up.
Went to see The work and the Glory last night with the hubby. It's an LDS movie, a fictional account of a family that joins the church as it is being restored back in the 1800's. Really liked it! I made me smile big. I needed to see it, it was great to have a vibrant picture to help me understand in my mind what the early saints went through. And even though it came out in November, Atlanta's just getting around to showing it. This is the farthest I can remember living away from my church building. Things are kind of spread out here. Something new to get used to.
It was our Family Home Evening (definition: Family Home Evening -
An evening set aside weekly for family activities, discussions, and instruction. Church leaders do not schedule meetings or activities on Monday nights so that families can be free to be together). It's good to have that Monday night activity - we've had it all 3 mondays we've been married.
Gah - have I been married this long already?? I never thought I'd make it!! I'm still holding on. The best part is having him there for all the little things in my day when I get home. I'm not so blasted lonely or anxious all the time. I wish I knew how to make him happy. You'd think I would have figured it out by now but nope, he's a really hard person to read. Some things I think might help actually backfire, and the things I would never have guessed do the trick.
Phew..... I guess I'm still in shock.
School is driving me crazy. I'm to the point that I NEVER want to have kids. Grrr, I hate being lied to! There are so many choice, sweet kids and then there's the ones that take advantage of me. And I don't like what I have to teach them. I don't like the music but it's what I have to for the festival thingy they have to play in. If I was a better teacher I'd come up with something fantastic to wow 'em and get them excited about orchestra. but right now, I'm slowly killing their souls with endless Baroque music, blech. Mine too.
I get out of school and I start decompressing, which mostly means I need to cry a lot. But my sweetheart hates to see me cry, so I have to either find ways to not start, or get done in time. It's better I don't, I just get depressed and I shouldn't go there. I just wish I was good at something. I miss playng my violin so much. I miss teaching my little kids who learned and loved me. And loved to play their violins. Have I lost the spark that made them want to love their instrument?? Am I killing over 200 high school orchestra students a day with my crappy mc crap teaching abilities???? And I'm clueless about cooking and cleaning and all the other things that will make our apartment happy. Will I ever feel good again and figure that out????
To find out, tune in next time, same bat channel;)
SUPERCRACK is gonna make it. Dagnabit.