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remember me??!?!?!

February 06, 2003 at 7:22 a.m.

Since I'm going to be in Texas this weekend and Portland next weekend, I had to reschedule all my violin students from Saturday.. golly - that's displacing like, 9 students!! Like they'll be free on another day, right?

JACKPOT!

So yay, yesterday I spent all afternoon teaching my Saturday kids, plus the Wednesday one, and a surprise new student - and I'll be teaching a new one next week too. AKAKAKKK!!! That's a whole lotta violining. I'm pooped.

And one of the little boys smelled sooooo bad... that little-boy-not-wearing-socks-smell... oh man, and the little girl after him was so prim and proper - crinkled her nose ever so carefully and asked if we could turn on the fan - oh man, it was priceless:)

And I was thinking, my parents have always asked why I didn't do an education degree. I obviously have a talent in teaching, why not get the big bucks for it and do it in bulk, huh?

Well, think of it this way - in a 5 hour time span (or longer... ak!) I have to come up with 10 individual lesson plans ON THE SPOT, control a hyperactive child with techniques I've gained from experience only and pack it up in strict 30 minute intervals or I have angry parents on my hands.

And you know what? I've had 3 kids so far in the last week come back to their lesson and tell me they want to be violin teachers when they grow up, just like me....:)

Dang I feel good. That's what I can do. And I do it better every day.

&^#%%@$&$@^**^@#%@$^#%$@&^#^#%@&^#^##&^^#&#

Funny thing - the last paper journal I had was getting to the end, The journal has lasted since mid-October, and the general jist of it has been confusion and hurt over the whole boy situation. My little Reva novels that I fill up religiously and honestly.

And yesterday after reading my last few heart-rending rants about the hurt and the confusion, I turned the page to find I had one left - that was all. And it excited me - I could actually close this chapter with one page - make a decision - wrap it up. Stop the cycle.

So on the last page, I made a decision. Goodbye. And then I closed the book. It made me laugh with how... ironic ? it was. I don't know the right word for it... serendipity? Hmmm...

Anyway, yesterday was one of the best days I've had in a while. I realized the source of all my frustration and hurt wasn't that I'm in Arizona, it was that I was with him. And I wasn't getting handled with the same care and concern I had been. And that I've given up so much I'd always sworn I wouldn't ever again, just to make something work with someone who believed in me. Only he only believed in the situation, not us. when that changed, and so did he.

When I finally was able to peek out into reality when I understood things, I found I could breathe again. Several concered friends called to check on me and were all surprised to hear my voice - I sound like Reva again. I feel like Reva again. I feel feisty and eccentric again. I'm back!!

It's a simple case of frog soup. I got into a pot I knew I shouldn't and all things were nice and cool, and so gradually the heat got turned on and I didn't notice I was loosing mself - and getting cooked.

And you know what all of this has taught me? I LOVE BEING A WOMAN!!!! Dis us and tells us how irrational and frustrating we are, but I don't care anymore. I'm not going to be ashamed about how I feel or act. When I got off the phone for the last time, bouncing off the walls I was so angry, I had a marvelous roomate who had a bad day too and had just put some brownines in the oven and snuggled with me on the couch as we gorged ourselves on chocolate and ice cream and cried and screamed. It may not make sense, but I'll always have my girls and they don't treat me like I'm not special. And my she-male guy friends who have been checking up on me.. I'm basically the luckiest girl there is.

And tomorrow I get to see some of my favorite friends in Denton... life works out just the way I should. I really should learn to stop fighting things.

SUPERCRACK is back!!!!!

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wife. mother. musician. bloggerist for 7 years. holding on for dear life.

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