thinking back about boys...
February 08, 2002 at 10:12 a.m.
My car is so big and ancient, it's like driving around on an old couch. That's comforting, somehow.
()*&%$#$@*&^&)(_**&%*&^(*&
I had the most interesting thoughts in my brain yesterday... yet again, I'm frustrated and am swearing off having anything to do with him because there's nothing going on except him being a fickle pickle on-again-off-again-on-again-off-again and I'm tired of it.
But as I was walking across campus yesterday, I was trying to remember a time when I was being treated well by a boy. I had to go back a few years, but I found one.
My first love, Spiceman, really did try. He drove 4 hours once on his motorcycle across the state just to surprise me at a music festival I was playing in. And I remember once he called me all day until I was done packing for a trip, just so he could give a me a good send off - which was taking me to an alpine slide, dinner and a show at the Boulder Dinner Theatre, and a late night video, oh, and my first kiss.
He was a terrible kisser, but it was a nice day. I guess what he did wrong was he expected to be kissed.. didn't really meet half-way. That kind of messed me up in the long run. I ended up feeling less important. I just can't really explain why, but a bad kiss can do things to you.
But he'd call and want to see he. As much as I wanted to see him. As much as he could love maything besides his exercize regimine, he did love me. I got to feel good for a while.
And then things changed and he was in Siberia for a while and I wasn't and then he wasn't and... time marches on, I suppose.
Fast forward three years And I'm alone again, walking to the music bulding to finish my degress on the UNT campus in Denton, Texas, clutching my violin and my homework. He's back in Colorado, married with a baby, selling real estate.
How did I get here? How did he get there? And then this magical feeling washes over me like it does everytime I think about this exotic life I lead and.. it's all okay. I could have never married him and been a housewife for the rest of my life.
I'm on this giant precipice - ready to jump into these master's auditions and life beyond this little town I've called home for 5 years.
So what if this other boy is afriad to date me because I'm moving on and up with my life... so what if he's intimidated? It's not the first time a boy couldn't handle me.
SUPERCRACK is worth it.