fear
August 14, 2003 at 10:39 a.m.
If anyone needs a laugh, I was looking back in my old entries and found two funny moments that actually made me laugh out loud...
Gotta get packing. I leave for Arimazona tomorrow. Scared to death, but what's new. Honestly, I think I've mentioned it before here that my biggest stumbling block in my life is my fear of new things. I can get through 'em I guess, but my first reaction - that I cannot control, really, is to cry. So sad and drives me crazy, but it's been that way my entire life. Geez, when I started school a year early as a kid, I was so scared all the time they thought might even have some kind of disability. Nope, just my fear reflex. I just get sick every time something is new or scary. And then I force myself to get over it and I do it.
It's amazing to me and the people that love me that I've chosen a life that constantly paralyzes me with fear. And yet I keep doing it. I can't tell you why.
I tried to force myself to hide this for years, but one day I exploded, and it took me years to get back on track. So I'm stuck crying at very embarassing moments. Minutes later, I succeed. But for some reason, first I have to let out my fear or I'll get sick. Literally.
So, I go. Off to Arimazona and new adventures. I am constantly surprised why people say they envy my life and I wish they wouldn't.
We're all cracked in some way or another.
Ever heard of Tracy Bonham? Sean told me about her yesterday and I went to find out some more...
She's like me, a violinist/singer/songwriter, who just opened for the Blue Man Group(dagnabit they're coool!!!) Anywho, she went to USC for her undergrad in violin, then stopped off at Berklee for year, and now she's touring and doing the groovy thing now, like I wouldn't mind to do someday...
I just got a little hungry. People have told me my whole life that I could do this, people have told me whole life that I couldn't, but no one told me how. That's my job.
too bad it really scares me. but what have we learned about Reva? I'll pick up and do it in a little bit. I usually do.
I think I might just do that rock star thing maybe. Tracy an' me.... violinists. We kick butt.
SUPERCRACK is off to the races!!!