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really long entry with pictures and thoughts

November 04, 2003 at 10:06 a.m.

So I'm back on track, methinks. Life keeps me crazy, which is good, because it's better than being incredibly bored all the time.

Anywho, how was Halloween for y'all? Have fun? I did - I worked the door at a party out here my friend was DJing. I wanted to dance and didn't know anyone who would go dancing with me, so the alternative was to maybe meet people and get paid for it - and also dance a tad at the end. Reva loooves her jiggy, mmhmm.

Anywho, I didn't know what to wear because another girl that was working the door was really cute, and I didn't know what to wear to make me stand out at all.... well, Loren to the rescue.

"Reva," said the guy, "there is only one costume that trumps all other costumes."

"What is it?? tell me!" said I.

"Are you sure you're ready for this kind of information, young grasshopper?" asked the wise one.

"Yes!" cried I.

"Two words.... catholic schoolgirl."

So, I did. I wasn't going to put any pics of it up on this site because I figured I wuold jsut be too scandalous, but as always I ended p jsut being cute, dagnabit. Although I can say in person I felt much more daring.

Whaddya thunk? I was trying to shock my mom, but she just thought it was cute. So did Dad.

What do I have to do to freak out my parents, huh?? I'll never grow up if I can't rebel even a little! When I dyed my hair blue, my mom said "You go girl!!"

I guess I could always just pierce my ears... but even I don't want to do that, dagnabit.

Oh well. At least I was a nice catholic schoolgirl. Mean people sucketh.

*&^%*&^%^%$%^$#%^$#%$#^^&$^%$&^%$&$&^%$

I was thinking about how much I missed MatMunch today, and not just because I still can't drive his car. (Stick shifts!! WHY?!?!) I was thinking about Christmas and how much I needed to go skiing, and how this is the first year in years where I won't get to go skiing with him. So I went an got some pictures of his "Farewell to America: The Phoenix/Disneyland Days" developed. Yay!

This is him and I just before I took him to the airport bound for Korea. We were both so scared for him, and when we got in the car Tom Petty's "Free Fallin'" came on the radio and we sang it at the top of our lungs to release some pressure. That was a beautiful moment... golly I love my friend.

This is us in a car at Autopia at Disneyland.

If I remember correctly, he smoked me. Not hard to do - I can't drive those dang things!

The best thing about our trip to Disneyland was that at random times, mat (who is my favorite dance partner of all time) would grab me and start dancing. We gathered a crowd in the French Quarter! Here's Mat dipping me in my favortie spot in all of Disneyland - a quiet corner in New Orleans Square.... it's just such a nice place to escape to when you need a moment to think.

being in the Army, Mat has become crazy obsessed with figuring out how his beret should lie on his head. This is me sporting it in the correct mode.

And here's a shot I took of us...aren't those the funnest pictures?

Well, that's enough of the picture barrage. Say a prayer for MatMunch that the North Koreans will be nice to him. And that there will be some nice tatooed American chick just walking around South Korea loooking for one of the coolest boys ever, and discover that it's the MatMunch.

Hey, we can hope, right? ;)

*&^%&^%^%^@%$#%^$&^#^&$^%$&^#%$*&^%$^%

Had a bit of an epiphany yesterday. Ridiculously personal, so I won't go into too much detail But my thought was this...

I don't really understand men or their motivations at all. I thought I did, but I don't. And it confuzzles me that some men are so nice and then some are so judgemental and make you hurt - but they have stuff in common with the nice guys, they just hide it better.

Why the heck are we supposed to go through this mess with each other??? This is not working out in my head. I dinna like it.

And I was talking this over with Loren in all of his clear-headedness that drives me bonkers because I'm completely the oposite, and I realized that he wasn't judging me because of all my confusion and fear, like most men do.

(by the way - my biggest pet peeve in the world is when a guy tells you that you have issues... chalk it up to being raised with nothing but insensitive brothers - except you Dallin:) - but nothing makes me more hurt or angry... grrrr! Yes, I have things I'm working out in my life and I'm dang proud of what I've accomplished so far and what I will explore in the future so Mr. Big Poophead that got up in church on Sunday and announced to everyone that we all had issues and we needed to get over it - GET A LIFE BUB and stop judging others just because you have the depth of a thimble!!!!)

*ahem* Well, that felt better;)

Anywho, I was talking about this to Loren and realized that the reason why he wasn't judging or labeling or belittling me when i was feeling a little weak and hurt was becuase he cares for me. Don't get me wrong, we are never getting back together - what we feel for each other is different now and that is a very good thing, because he's a great friend to have...

But I realized he knows me better than most people in the world and won't put me down because he respects and understands me.

So basically, I think I will find happiness with someone maybe, someday. They won't all make me feel bad. Someone might just see who I really am and love me. And when it comes down to it in life, that's really what I want the most.

And that's a happy thought. I just have to keep on being told I'm not good enough and kissing those frogs, I guess, dagnabit.

And some other interesing things I realized about myself, but I'll just keep that to myself, thankee muchly.

Things are looking up, every now and then. I just gotta get done with school NOW before I BLOW UP!!!!

SUPERCRACK has to go teach those munchkins... think I'm going to bring a taser this time. Man, those kids are CRAZY!!

ps ooo! and by the way, I checked out my new house yesterday and it is AWESOME!!!! My new room is just about the best room ever!!! AND they're painting it RED for me!!!! woo0hoo!!!!!

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