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goodbye-ish to Texas

June 09, 2002 at 9:49 p.m.

an open letter to the state of Texas:

This is the last time I will sleep within your state lines for quite some time. And I think there's just a few things I'd like to say.

First, I'm sorry.

I didn't appreciate soon enough. It took meeting MattDavis this year to realize there was beauty and joy in diving into your culture, and now I have a large belt buckle to prove it. With rhinestones.

Second, thank you.

You were pretty easy on me. I've made so many wonderful friends and even more stinky friends so that I have grown because of it. In spite of myself.

Five years.

I never claimed residency, and I never asked much from you. I was determined to do it all on my own. But you stuck your foot in there, giving me a community, a home... a family.

Urmi - there's not more I can say than we haven't said. I don't feel like crying... mostly like screaming because I'm so overjoyed that you are in my life. Thank you for the make-up, the blunt advice/orders:) and the hugs. I now believe in love at first sight... at least when it comes to friends. Now is where we get creative...:)

Danielle - you were the answer to a prayer. You helped bring me out of a dangerous place and I am not the same person because of you. Thank you for the green enchiladas and for playing flute with me at the rest home. I loved making music with a friend. Bless you. We will never get rid of each other.

Candis - your friendship is so potent. A person feels truly loved and trusted by you. Thank you for making space for me and treating me with such respect... thanks for letting me join in your love story and your wedding. Thank you for the concerts and the lessons in common sense. I'll use those someday:)

Pete - unconditional friendship is a blessing, and I could count on you no matter what. Bless you for embracing life like you have. Keep squeezing it!!!

Marcy - wow. WOW. I don't recognize you... I've never seen you smile so much! But most importantly, thank you for always being an oasis. I could always count on some tasty girl talk to get my mind off how much I couldn't stand orchestra. But now... you are so much more... and I am sooo blessed to have been here. I cannot WAIT to see you on this wonderful path!! heehee:)

MattKey - it has been quite a road. I respect you so much more now because you never gave up. The road has been bumpy, but you took a step back to us that few human beings ever do, and it sure is a pity. My life is so much fuller now that you are back in it!! Thank you for keeping me in yours.. it's a wonderful place to be. (i LOVE marti!!!!!!)

Mr. Lewis - you didn't always treat me well, but you did teach me more than just the violin. From day one, you were the only one that believed in me. Violin performance. We did it. Thanks for kicking in when you did and helping me find confidence in myself again.

Philip - the cheeriest hugs in the whole state of Texas. Something to look forward to on the bleak horizon of studio classes and orchestra. Thank you SO MUCH for treating Dallin like a friend!!! It means the world to me.

Wendy and Jana - thank you for inviting me to join in your little Sunday dinners. The simple act of calling me and trying to include me even when I was firmly against the idea of being around any of those people ever again softened me enough to the point now where... golly... I'm not even myself anymore I'm so happy:)

Joann and MattDavis - thanks for giving Texas color. Belly dancing, wild and crazy commentary on life and love... this makes me feel like family.

The Roach - you are still a horrible person in my book. You knew exactly what you were doing... you took so much innocence from me and even though you felt terrible about it - you didn't stop. Shame on you. I still want to kick you.

Nathan - you were a crummy boyfriend. You made me feel pretty ignored and unimportant. Work on that, or find someone as self-absorbed as you.

Loren, aka Crabtree - thank you for loving me. Thank you for making me feel special again. Bless you for being in my life for a tiny period of time. I will always smile when I think about you, and I will always speak to you. Thank you for tonight... you were the one person I could cry on and there no better way or better person I would want to spend my last few hours in Texas with. It's never goodbye, is it? I'm so glad.

various and sundry non-friends - it amazes me how you just can't let go of me. I never speak to you or of you, and yet you are consumed with trying to mess up my life. It means so much that I've had that much impact in this world. I will never be forgotten.

My 2 last horrible roomates - I know I'm not a bad roomate because I've had 2 good ones. You have problems and the passive agressive thing is just cowardly. Learn to talk to people and clear up the truth when problems arise, not attacking moot lies months later... oh wait, that doesn't give you a feeling of power does it? Okay, carry on...

Hiro - thank you for being insecure around me. Thank you for sharing so many of your beautiful insights with me. Thank you for your music. I will always be your biggest fan.

Kazu - your whimsy, your mind and your imagination has brought so much joy to me. Thank you for making me go to the Brickhaus to do open mic, because if you hadn't I really don't think I would have ever introduced Marcy and John and.. I'll explain later. I just love the way things work out:) and I cannot WAIT to see you in San Diego!!! You are my musical hero, seriously. no one does it quite like Kazu... thank you for tap dancing on a table at the reception for my recital...

Greg - thank you for believing in my music. Thank you for being the only rock when my life fell apart. Thank you for the guitar... my life is so different now because of it and I'll never thank you enough for giving me this gift. Your friendship is so honest and blunt that it can be scary, but I love it. Thank you for the Thong Song, and thank you for having me play it at your wedding...

Linda in the music office - thank you for always giving me the real deal on what you thought of my hair. Thank you for finally approving. And finally saying Kuzmich properly.

JohnHall - thank you for always being a sweetheart. Through the darkest days, I could always see light in you. Bless you for living the way that you do so I could share in the hope that there were really good people out there. You're crazy about her, you know. Don't lose the time you have by putting more stock in fear than in joy.

That wierd guy in the Maple Cafeteria - thanks for always getting excited when I came through the line. I know I probably looked creeped out, but honestly, it made my day sometimes.

The Warners and Natalie (Smith!) - thank you for always giving me a stable refuge when a boy broke my heart. I'm sad tha happened so many times, but at last I got to see you! And thanks Nat for being the greatest roomate a girl could ask for. I want to be a mommy that acts like you someday:)

The guy that invented and runs Diaryland - thank you for giving me a place to meet wonderful people and share my thoughts. I know it's hard for you, but I appreciate it.

Those jerks who ripped me of at Pro-Tech Automotive TWICE - just because my car is a junker and my dad was paying for everything, that gives you NO RIGHT to charge us that freaking much. And stop calling me darling. I hate you.

The guy I dated twice my freshman year - I'll bet I confused you huh? You're all happy now with your wife and kids - but do me a favor and don't ever mention me to them. You have no idea what the real world is like.

The missionaries - thank you for persuing my friendship. Thank you for including me. Thank you for the INCREDIBLE haircuts!!! And thank you for your example. I want to be you someday:)

Tree - I really hate you. Don't ever want to speak to you again. You've messed with soooo many girls heads and for crying out loud - do NOT go talking about commitment if you're not going to follow though. Do not lead a girl to believe there is something serious going on if you intend to be a crackhead and stop calling. Oink.

Various members of the Denton 5th Ward - I've been there for 5 years. FIVE YEARS. It has sure changed a lot... keep on growing a trucking. You've hurt me and helped me along the way. But I know myself, so that's okay. Just.. don't forget me. I know there aren't any pictures of me around, but I was there. I grew there. Don't forget I was there...

Erik - thank you for showing me that men can have incredible style. I want you to decorate my LIFE. - all your artwork and Ikea. You are also really really hott.

MarkW - grow up. Don't treat my friend that way.

Lawanda - you are so incredible and so special. Everyone you speak to is touched by the power of your spirit and your words. Go, girl! I dig you!!

My Bishop - thank you for patiently watching me grow and giving me advice that made me laugh. I love you and I'm so glad you were there for me and everyone.

To the unknown person that put the WRANGLER BUTTS DRIVE ME NUTTS bumper stickerS! on my car - thanks. They were quite the attention-getter. Lots of ol' mechanics hit on me after they saw that.

Brother Garner - I didn't like you 5 years ago, and now your matter-of-fact way of approaching the gospel and laife has changed mine. Thank you for doing what you do where you do it because everyone is so blessed to hear you. Thankyouthankyouthankyou.

and to the old me.... I don't hate you. But I don't know you anymore and I think we're both glad about that. I promise I'll make better friends next time and listen to my heart rather than the tall and spacious building. And I'm goona practice more. I feel it in my bones...

It's not goodbye... it's like that subway analogy Loren gave me tonight as I cried all over my love mobile (actually, Sammy Gambino gave this to him)... people get on our subway car, people get off... we're thankful for the time that we share with them, but we're all going to the same place.

SUPERCRACK says I'll see you there. Thanks for the memories.

Love, Reva.

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wife. mother. musician. bloggerist for 7 years. holding on for dear life.

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