arg arg
September 26, 2004 at 11:30 p.m.
It's not always rainbows and butterflies; it's compromise, it moves us along...
There's a dark side to light chasers. People are attracted to us for reasons that also turn them away from us.
It seems like the harder I work at life, the harder it gets. I work at a job where I am learning as I go... mostly things that I didn't want to learn anyway :)
I don't know what life has in store for me anymore. I don't know what I want out of it, besides just being happy. But it's hard to command your happiness when you've given your heart to so many different places.
I didn't say it was smart, but it's how I live life.
Sometimes I wonder if I can ever be really happy, needing so much. But when I do get to be happy, it's so intense and powerful. What brings me happy? Those little triumphs that occur when I've succeeded at something... when people think of me... being loved... being able to grow and take care of myself...
*chocolate:)*
Everyone says this is supposed to be the hardest year of my life. Lots of teachers have told me that their first year of teaching, they ended up in tears every single night, and they are just glad it's over.
What about teaching 1428.04 miles from home in a subject I never studied? Regardless of everything else going on... wow, it's overwhelming.
I want to get SOMETHING right!!!! Why is it so impossible right now?!?!!?
I'm going through some kind of metamorphisis. It's so frustrating how most things I try to say or think make no sense. I don't know when I'll feel right again. I don't know what right is.
My apartment is so cool right now, all clean and with some neat things hanging from the ceilings. I'd like to fill this place with some of the people I love.
Why do y'all live so far away???
SUPERCRACK says come visit. Just break in, no worries:)