thoughts, not second thoughts, but thoughts
October 30, 2004 at 10:38 a.m.
Oh MAN.
I am so wiped, I needed a Saturday so bad. 2 straight weeks of work and work and blarg. I'm so pooped.
Jared is out of town and that's a bit disappointing, but he prefers to spend most of his Saturday getting caught up with stuff that must get done, like broken cars and such, so I'm usually without him anyway, so it's nothing new.
I went out last night with a new mutual friend of ours and played at an arcade and got ice cream at the bestest place in Atlanta (yay Jakes!) and talked mucho. It was very much what I needed. I felt human again for a moment, hanging out with a friend, not trying to discuss fingerings for cello parts or music history pre-tests or wedding details. Just life.
I'm going to love married life. Yes, it's going to really new and possibly unnerving to be around someone so much and have someone also be so intensely connected to me, but it's those little things I'd like to share with him. He makes me laugh and enjoy the little things.
I just found out my parents are going to be spending the summer in Australia and New Zealand.
See, for years, I have gotten to go with them on these incredible trips because I needed the time with my family, and it's been incredible. But this time, I'm going to be on my honeymoon while they explore the world without me.
It makes me pause... I'm going to explore the world with Jared now, not my mom and dad. It's a little hard to take, just because it's change and change is always frightening for me.
I love that euphoric feeling where you are in another country, discovering exotic what they find commonplace. Seeing places and things you've only seen in pictures.
Breathing.
Life here in the states is so fast, so stressful. I'd love to be able to wake up at 7 and go someone quiet or bustling and chat with someone over hot chocolate and a muffin and go teach school by 9. It's not like I'm very productive on my afternoons anyway.
So the 'rents are going without me. I'll just have to wait to see Australia and New Zealand and the rest of the world with my sweetheart.
hmmm..... that's a pretty nice thought:)
So there was a note found in my office tht a student planted, telling someone that "everyone" hated orchestra and wanted to quit because of me, they even called me Ms. Kuz-rhymes-with-witch (edited for your protection:) becuase I made it too much work.
It was pretty nasty.. I know who wrote it and it's a small handful of about 4 girls that hate me, but honestly I wouldn't mind if they did quit. It threw me for a loop, but not for long.
Thing is, I expect a lot out of my students. Not more than they can give me. but I do expect them to work and we have a lot of fun making good music. And I have a lot of fun with the kids, the other teachers tell me tht they are always hearing about the cool orchestra teacher (that be me) and I get e.mails all the time from them telling me they are so happy I'm there.
So a few untalented sophomore want to upset me? Not possible.
I still don't know how long I want to subject myself to this job. I'm like you, Sean - you said it so right, at the end of that day, I'm just a used up husk of a person. I'm so drained, so tired. I hide it as much as I can and make the most out of the rest of my day, but I'm so wasted.
But, I have the love of an incredible boy, and an awesome band and gigs and fun fun with them.
Dumb kids. A pox on their houses. I'm going to go enjoy my Saturday:)
SUPERCRACK is floating:)