so I told 'em
May 12, 2005 at 9:51 a.m.
So I dropped the "bomb" yesterday - I'm quitting my job. For the rest of you work-a-day schleps around there, this isn't a big deal, except when I quit my job it affects a whole lot more people. Well, you'd think so. Lots o' kids.
The county is cutting back on orcehstra teachers and after a lot of prayer and soul searching it made sense to just step aside rather than see myself phased out, and also the opportunity raised itself where I could actually have a job doing what I got my degree in - performance pedagogy. Teaching violin.
So I've kept it a secret until after the concert (which went WAY better than I thought it would!) and then told them yesterday. Two kids who don't like me very much high-fived, but others seemed liked they genuinely cared. I found out one of my favorite kids cried after class.. that really hit me hard.
I didn't mean to hurt anyone. I'm just not cut out to teach orchestra. I have too much passion to care halfway like some of my students.
I feel like a failure. I came home crying too many days to keep this up, it's been driving Jared nuts. I try so hard everyday and I give so much, but there's too many people telling me what to do and blocking my way. I can't take administration and other teachers creating situaitons and red tape, and I knew it before I started teaching. I also can't take those few kids who take what I have for granted and don't care. I care too much. But I gave it everything I had. I can't believe I've even pulled it all off - I'm kind of good at it too.
So I'm going back to what I do best, I'm going to teach privately. Like I did in Arizona and LOVED it. I do so well with kids one on one who just want to learn and make music. I even got a phone call yesterday from a parent of a kid here, already asking to have her daughter's name put on the list for my students. Things are filling up nicely. I can't wait to start seeing some of these kids one on one... I cannot WAIT to fix some bow holds and gets some shoulder rests on these kids!! I'm going to still teach fiddle club and work with those kids - who happen to be my favorites and just all around awesome people.
Every week day, I've seen these kids for the last few months. I spend more time with them than with Jared. I love them, they've made me laugh and made me grow. They have so much love in their hearts and give it to me so much.
wow.... hold on a sec.... I just found a 3 page note in my yearbook that one of my students left anonymously....
telling me how much this year has meant to her.
maybe I didn't fail, if one student grew and learned something. I guess I really did help, somehow. She doesn't understand how much she meant to me, though... how much they all meant to me.
Wow. What a year. What an incredible year.
So my hubby has decided to join the ranks of bloggers in his own way - his brains are just as sexy as his smile so check him out!
http://www.voicetoremember.blogspot.com/
So FINALLY - the concert. I let it get to me me too much - I wanted it to be perfect and you know how I get when I don't feel in control of things... i mean let's face it - 6 orchestras performing in one night, plus the fiddle club and a 100-piece middle school orchestra?? It's a miracle I survived. They played great, and I got to snuggle with my sweatheart at the end of it and breathe again.
Where else do you get to see string groups play Purple Haze, SpongeBob Squarepants and the Brandenburg 3 in one night, I ask you?? I even had some friends come and bring me flowers!!!! And Micheal from the BorderCollies came to play some numbers beforehand to get the audience going - and also to calm me down too. Man, he is sooo freaking awesome.
So happy for these kids. I hope some of them realze how much I appreciate them. Ug. I am in shock.
I think I'm happy.
SUPERCRACK is moving.. breathing....