a day to breathe
March 31, 2005 at 7:51 a.m.
Okay, before we begin, who the heck read over 80 pages the other day?? You don't do that then not sign the guestbook, people. That's the kind of thing that makes me lock this up. So fess up!
Jared's snake is on the move. I know this because I'm watching her right now, slithering all around her cage.
(I'm home. One a Thurdsay morning. Yum:)
Darn that snake, it really scares me. But she was Jared's friend when he didn't have me and it make him happy. So I end up wishing I had the heating pad under the snake to help make my tummy feel better, but it's under the snake, and no matter how much I balk at the reptile in our apartment, it secretly makes me smile to know that Jared was missing me before he met me, and had a pet snake to help make him not feel so alone.
Of course I may be totally off base on all of this, but I tell myself that to feel good:) I like to think he missed me. Underneath it all, I think I missed him, too. Of course I didn't know the joy of having someone be this wonderful all the time - if I did, I would have reallllly missed him. It's just been the most plesant of surprises.
So I woke up not feeling as healthy as usual and I took a shower, got all dressed and even ate breakfast. But I feel so ucky I couldn't being myself to get to work. It's the kind of ucky I can deal with, but a whole day of work is going to make worse.
I'm sitting on the couch with a list of things to do and a laptop on my lap and VH1 Jump Start on the tube. I loved waking up this way in college and before I got married. But now there's a boy in the bed who isn't going to wake up for a while after me and I have to leave the lights and noise away.
Ahhhh!!!!!!! The new Howie Day song!!! This is gonna be a good day:)
I feel free for a bit... the kind of freedom I felt in Arizona that I held onto as the only joy I could while I was so incredibly sick and sad. This was how I woke up there. The best part of my day - I decided when I woke up and what I did that day and got to give myself the time and space to enjoy it as much as I could. There's a few things I miss from Arizona. My students, mostly. The sweet kids at the montessori school, and the wonderfully kind teachers there. My students at the academy. The shoe discount store on my way to work:) The sunny days. My bedroom in Sarah's house with the magnet wall and the hardwood floors. The backyard with the soft grass and high fences so I could sunbathe for the first time in my life.
I don't miss being sick. Being so lonely. But I miss my freedom of schedule. Oh, I was busy - freak, I had over 40 private lessons to teach a week, and my whole Saturdays were eaten up with teaching, but I had room to breathe - well, had to give myself some room to relax, especially after I got so sick.
Now I have a job that takes all my energy, and some of my joy. And my mornings.
It makes a day like this with room to breathe, even though I'm feeling not so well, feel pretty nice.
On another note, I miss performing. I worked my tushie off my whole life (literally) to play classical violin really, really well. I need to find a venue to do that again. I LOVE playing celtic music with my band and it makes me enjoy music again, but there's that part in me that feels a little weird taking so much time off from the one thing I've worked harder for than anything else in my last 25 years.
Just a thought.
Man, I feel so good right now. Next week in Spring Break, I have a whole week to wake up without running, give myself those few precious moments of noise and smiles before I face my day.
And a best friend to come home in the afternoon and spend time with me. How is a girl to cope?? :)
I got followed by some teenage boys in my apartment complex yesterday who whistled at me like I was a puppy or something. Grrrr.
I TEACH kids that age. Too weird.
So with the whole Terri Schivo case, I've been following things, being conflicted but quietly watching and trying to understand. And then I find out the reason for her current condition - complications resulting from an eating disorder. Just when I find myself slipping yet again, I read that.
So I ate breakfast. Sometimes I wish it wasn't a choice I have to make. That when life starts getting hard, I have to deal with this too.
But I'm a fighter yo. Hey, I have Howie Day videos and some time to breathe before I attack my day? Life deals me some tough cards, but I also get some help along the way:)
SUPERCRACK. ahhhhh.