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my acceptance speech

March 12, 2002 at 8:38 a.m.

Another wacky assignment in the life of Reva..

For a speech I'm goiving today in communications, I had to write something like a eulogy or something of the like. I wrote an acceptance speech. Tell me it if it disturbs you too much:

MY ACCEPTANCE SPEECH

I am so touched and privileged to receive this honor and I whole-heartedly accept this Caldecott Medal for my children�s easy reader book, �Everybody Farts,� in memory of all who have struggled with this issue. By being awarded this prize, I feel that this is a small victory for my colleagues, many of whom are active at this moment in raising Farting Awareness all over the world, especially in our gas-phobic society of America. Flatulence has always been an integral and necessary activity our human bodies have participated in. I made this the topic of 14 books and 42 articles used for the education of parents and psychologists, prior to the publication of my acclaimed �Everybody Farts.� But despite all my efforts to bring attention to this in psychology communities, it is still abdominal how ignorant the general populace is to the need of personal gas release. It is estimated that 13 million children are ostracized daily for excessive gas. So many of these adolescents do not understand how crucial the release of their gas is, and parents are not supportive to the greater extent. Because flatulence is the last real acceptable prejudice, I felt the need to write this book and begin at the ground level; educating our youth and our future that farting is not only okay, but also oh so important to our daily survival!! I�m sure we can all recall the tragedy that befell the Tookis family of Idaho last year. Little Sally Tookis� parents did not allow open expression of gas and this led her to feeling ashamed of her above-average gas outtake, and then, more dangerously, holding it in. I don�t need to remind you of all the gruesome pictures plastered in the media of that fateful day when her 6 year-old body had held in all the noxious gases it could and finally exploded during family dinner. Oh, if only her parents had been educated in the importance of farting! As I have said many times as the only tenured Professor of Flatulence Studies in North America, �Fart To Live.�

I believe this must be the motto of us all as we become more aware of the threat that is caused when we refuse to allow our gases to release. I strongly urge that this become a topic of discussion and learning in our elementary classrooms, our boy scout and girl scout meetings, our chess clubs, our 4-H clubs, our family counsels, our PBS kid-oriented programming, and anywhere there is a child to be found squeezing his butt-cheeks together in the hazardous effort to stifle a gasser.

Okay, I�ll get off my soapbox now. I want to thank my editor, Mark Beano, and my loving family for the late nights of Mexican food, research and years of support. Ladies and gentleman, this is 2002 � it is up to us to change the labels associated with farts, break down the prejudices against Farting. Thank you for this honor, and Fart On!!! Thank you, good night.

(&*^&$%#&^$^%&*^(*&)(_*)(*&*%*&^

just another day in the life of my wacky, wacky brain. Peace.

SUPERCRACK is goona have a busy day!!

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wife. mother. musician. bloggerist for 7 years. holding on for dear life.

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