esplain....
April 02, 2003 at 12:52 p.m.
Phew......
Okay, today is a better day than yesterday. I'm deleting that entry because it was as sporadic and insane as I was and insane freaking like that just shouldn't be unleashed on the world, what with all the other things we have to deal with.
I'd also like to say I've never deleted an entry before. This is rather interesting.
So what was the hubablaboo about yesterday? Here's the down-low:
Monday night B ("Smiles") came over and we chatted for a bit. I was in an uncomfortable mood about other things and so things were strained-ish. Plus the discussiion we'd had this weekend was bothering him so...
We sat outside on my car to talk and all of the sudden he told me he couldn't do this anymore. And he also had to leave just then for a home teaching (LDS thing). I asked him if he had just broken up with me and he told me he had, promised to call later, got in his car and drove away without looking at me.
?
I went inside and cried with my roomates for a bit then laid in bed and talk to mom and Urmi. And just laid there.
At one point I had gotten all dressed for bed and was saying my nightly prayers and started crying again, when I had a knock on my door and my roomates came in singing "You Are My Sunshine" and gave me a plate of goodies including a brownie in the shape of a heart with a knife though it.
awwwwwwwwwwwwww:)
The B called and we talked for a bit. He offered to meet the next day for lunch if I wanted. Hmm.
Lunch was different than I expected. It was so good to see him, we were just smiling like we used to. And we talked. He apologized for doing things the way he had, and told me that he should have included me in the decision to work through this or call it off.
That's what bothered me the most - I don't like someone making a decision that directly effects me without involving me in the process. Break-ups shouldn't come out of the blue. You should decide it together. It's only fair, right?
He asked me what I wanted, if I could have anything. I told him I wished he thought I was important enough to work this out with.
He pulled me close so we were looking right in each others eyes and said "That's why I'm here."
We had breakfast this morning. It's clear that we've taken some steps backwards. I think we're back in the dating phase. I want to continue forwards with him, though. I just care too much to not try. I want to be comfortable with him again.
I just hope he doesn't think running away is a viable option to threaten me with and then try and work it out later. I hope we can get stronger than that.
The catalyst of this was some assumptions and unclear communication. We're very different people, that's for sure.
Thanks for all the g*book support though. It's nice to know I can count on d*land.
SUPERCRAQ... hey, that's pretty funny!