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feeling upper

January 16, 2002 at 10:13 p.m.

I am a suggestive fool.

Working out at the gym tonight, I did a lot of treadmilll time and watched the TVs. There were so many friggin advertisments for Taco Bell and Dominos...

All those flashy pictures and enraptured actors.... I caved and went next door and got the biggest burrito they had. The Hooya burrito.

Sheesh. I weighed myself before I got started and I was heavier today than I was yesterday BEFORE I did the dumb treadmill. I'm going to stop weighing myself altogether. I'm going to get out a tape measure and admire my fabulous curves. No more of that scale crap.

I think it's lying, you know.

*&^%%$%@^#%#%$%$*&$^%^*^*&^*&

Life without crutches. This is new. I could start digging this. No more running. I can't believe I'm here in this place. wow.

Last night some ouchie news hit me, and I just didn't want to get mad. Gollee it was some bad news, but I don't want to be mad at anyone. Life is too short to waste on that emotion. And I don't want to be in a dark place. I want some light.

And there's this one great line from a hymn that keeps running through my head - it's in first person, Christ speaking to you:

"Oh forgive as thou wouldst be even forgiven now by me."

Isn't that awesome?? Then, after all the bad news was out there, I opened up my scriptues and found this great verse in the Book of Mormon about how when we learn to forgive, it is possible for us to be forgiven by the Big Guy. It's a great lesson to learn - release, breathe, continue.

So I entered the day with a prayer in my heart and was guided to all the right wonderful places I needed to be. No more hiding, like I try to do when I get heartstrain. A few days ago, I couldn't imagine being happy again. (I think I do that kind of often, actually.) But I'm always led to special places because I am loved. And the sun shone oh-so-brightly today.

I am a daughter of God.

now that's an awesome pedigree.

SUPERCRACK

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wife. mother. musician. bloggerist for 7 years. holding on for dear life.

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