back to Arimazona, back to reality
August 19, 2003 at 12:20 a.m.
It's funny how life works out, huh?
I'm in Arimazona. Not quite as miserable as I'd planned. Not miserable at all, really. It's hot, but somehow I was ready for it, and I'm coping. A lot of staying inside really:)
Now getting here.. well, we all remember last year, right? Where my car broke down and I had to hitchhike from New Mexico? Well, I was a tad worried this time... but I persevered.
Well, I tried to, until my arm started hurting pretty bad and my dad offered to drive with me....! Got on the phone, bought a plane ticket from Phoenix to Denver and drove with me the next night alllll night, before getting here Saturday morning.
Before we left however, my car freaked out a tad and we had to go get some work done on the way out of town, but it worked out.
As we drove into the Mesa, I started crying and asked dad to turn the car around. This place has so many scary memories... last year being such a difficult train wreck and such. I was so hysterical - how could I put myself though this again???
But dad, being the guy he is, had no answers except it'd be just fine, and kept driving. I guess it worked, so I calmed down and let him drive.
And now I'm here. And I have a friend for a roomate! Becca, a violinist from ASU is living accross the hall from me! Not so lonely. Even had some friends remember me here and there!
I've been out to play every night since I've been here. Not so horrible this time. Somehow things are supposed to work out.
ooooo! and today, I went by financial aid and my $ status with no scholarshi[ this year is going to be just fine. Honestly, I'm so thankful I don't have it - so much more freedom. I can't believe I said that! A few months ago, I would have given anything to have my scholarship back, but having one here just means they can make you do what they want you to, and it drove me crazy last year.
Funny how The Guy upstairs looks out for you:)
I have to drive to California tomorrow to pick up some violins for a job. I get to teach sooo much this year - mayeb I'll have time for school? But the most important thing is - NO time for boys.
Oh, laugh if you want, I always know I say that every year, but I really mean it this time. They do nothing but mess me up and I'm sick and tired of it.
In fact - today I saw Bryan (the most recent ex, one of the bad ones) at a roller skating activing for our massive ward (church). Too much fun, he was showing off and Becca and I were holding onto each other for dear life trying not to fall down and hurt out pretty little violin hands.
At one point, I just decided to go talk to him, I mean, when we broke up, he wouldn't speak to me or call me back or be decent, and it takes too much energy to ignore each other. Honestly.
And man, I'm so gald I talked to him - he was so rude - the person he really is to people he doesn't like... he often said a big flaw of his is that he's not very nice, and it's true.
So not good enough for me. Anyone that thinks that my blessing of having so many friends is intimidating and thinks my kindness to others is a weakness is unable to see what really makes me beautiful and therefore is not allowed near my heart.
like Annie says, it's sad when men see our physical appearances and want us, and yet negate all the things inside of us that make us US -those are the reason that we are attractive. If I wasn't who I was on the inside, the outside would be just plain jane. Instead, it is something different altogether. And weird, but that's okay:)
Also he fell and hurt himself, and when I asked him if he was okay - trying this polite thing out - he was just as rude. Ech. haha. meanie.
I'm sooo glad he's out. This year, mark my words, people!!! I'm goona do the single thang!!!
SUPERCRACK reallllly means it this time:)