mother of the year
February 11, 2008 at 1:41 p.m.
There's probably a list of the Dumbest Things You Could Ever Say To Reva. I know Jared has a copy - he's super careful. Other people... not so careful.
And we all know this Mom/Housewife thing is my cover for my ultra secret identity - Hormone Girl. It takes amazing amounts of restrait to not use my super powers on such uncareful civilians.
Let's take a look at my restraint, shall we?
This past Sunday, a cougar-type lady at church came up to me and said -
"Your hair! You cut it!"
To which I responded "No, I didn't, but I paid someone to do it for me." Smile.
Her - "It's... it makes you look older."
My smile was more forced now, but I managed this - "Um... that's something you don't say to women."
Her, digging deeper - "No, you know what I mean! It makes you look like a mom!"
.......................
Speechless.
It has come to my attention that this blog has been a handy source of birth control for several ladies. I've been thanked on more than one occasion for my honesty.
I'm a tad torn whether to congratulate myself (probaly buy myself a trophy) or try to explain that motherhood is not actually THAT BAD.
And heck, there's a lot of stuff I don't post. I mean, there's good times - all the times my little girl will crawl up on my back and giggle, or how she'll go to the bookshelf, pick out a book and then walk backwards in my direction until she falls into my lap so I'll read it to her.
By the way today I have been the Mother Of The Year today - I have snuggled, read books, taken to the park, fed vegetables and pizza, and napped baby. I even cleaned a pregnant lady's house while baby played with cups. I. Am. AWESOME.
And then there's all the stuff I'd LOVE to post about Jared, but I know he'd kill me. Let's just say I am one lucky woman. Heh.
But there's so much stuff that I stumble on in life that no one told me. Like what contractions feel like (they feel like cramps - not one book told me that!), or that the gestation of a baby is only 8 months (stupid conspiracy on that one), or that nursing can actually make you want to stick a fork in your child's head, or that every time you snuggle a newborn they puke down your chest, or that no matter how sunshiney and smiley you are - your child will go psychotic when you take away the crayon she is eating. There is no escaping that last one, not ONE THING you can do.
Until I go ahead and write a book about the things that no one told me, this blog will have to do.
You're welcome :)
I have the best thing EVER this weekend - MOMMY!!!! My mom is flying in to play with me and World's Weirdest Yet Most Adorable Baby!!! I am 14 shades of yippee.
I don't even know what to do - I'm hoping maybe she wants to do my favorite game, which is the Sit Around And Watch Baby Do Super Smart Things And Then Congratulate Reva For Being The Best Mommy Ever game. I try to invite over other people and play it, but for some reason people don't answer my calls anymore. Weirdos.
I'll probably play the Make Mom Think Jared Is A Crackhead game. She kind of likes him now, but when we were dating and he was being a dork, she felt so bad for me that I got a TV out of it. That's a libra's favorite game!
*if you listen closely enough, you can hear my mother dialing the phone RIGHT NOW.... hi mom!!!*
I wonder if I can get Jared to call me by posting crack about him on my blog... I think I've caught him reading it before.
Jared: If you call me as soon as you read this - TODAY - and give me the secret word - which is "SNACKYSNACKSNACKSNACKSNACKSNACK" - I promise to try to not throw things at you or bite you for a whole day.
Heh. And what he doesn't know, is if he doesn't call me today and give me the secret word, I'm going to bite him while he checks his e.mail tonight and I'll tell him I tripped with my mouth open.
I should add Wife of the Year to that trophy.
SUPERCRACK!!