just 3 months ago
May 23, 2007 at 11:04 a.m.
I guess it was destined to happen, eventually. After being here for just over 2 month, it hit me, where I left and where I am now.
I have an American friend living in Brasil that I hadn't heard from in a while who contacted Jared the other day, wondering where the heck we were ("um, yeah, did we forget to mention that we've left the country??") and boy howdy did I get to thinking.
She's in a totally different place than me. Her husband's company kept all their promises, they have been treated well by them and she speaks fluent Portuguese now (they gave her lessons). She was a total sweetheart to me when I was there, and since she's got 2 kids of her own, taught me a lot of things I needed to know about having a baby.
Suddenly I'm thinking of Brasil again.. the atmosphere, where she is living and doing... in a far better situation than I was in, and yet I still have life 3 times easier and better here.
I feel guilty all of the sudden - not for her so much, but... I have this car, this big pretty (puffy!) car and every day I drive it to places I need to go. Most of my friends there ddn't have that, but they were still happy. I have friends that call me and I get to just sit at their houses and not be lonely all day long.
Ya'll don't realize how much better life is when there is a Target nearby, you just don't. In Brasil, I'd have to go to at least 5 different stores to get what I needed, and usually things were crappy quality and hideously expensive.
Last night as Jared and I were laying in bed talking, he told me that as hard as his job is now, it is still heads and shoulders above any other job out there for him right now.
As tough as living in my in-laws place has been, I am so blessed beyond belief. I can't believe that I lived through those months... I feel like I should go back, like I just don't deserve how easy and decadent it is to be a stay at home mom in America.
I have air conditioning, there aren't ants EVERYWHERE, I can buy good, easy to fix foods, I'm not covered in mosquito bites anymore, I can speak to people, my baby responds to me and loves me now, I can go do retail therapy if I want and I can find a Dollar Tree and go hog wild, I can buy things for my baby life well-made tubs and toys that you can't get in Brasil (and it makes me feel like a good mom because I can), I can go to bed at 10pm and there are noise violation laws so I can rest peacefully, I can fly home to see my mom and it only takes 3 hours to get there and we can afford things here, like a car and a house.
I'd go back if I got a situation ike my friend, with a company we could trust. But I wouldn't again, how we ended up going before. Still, I'm grateful that I went through it... because I feel so much stronger, knowing that I could ended up surviving it all.
I just don't feel like I deserve how easy it is to live here. As hard as life gets, can it really ever be as bad as it was then? I just can't imagine that... hope it's not "famous last words" and all that... but... wow.
I really did walk through the valley and come out the other side. I feel like I should go back into the valley... have I learned my lesson yet? What was the lesson??
SUPERCRACK wonders.