writing at least
April 30, 2007 at 10:09 p.m.
Must. Write. Something.
Can't think of anything To write. Well, not anything I can blog about. I have my limits, you know. I don't vent about people I shouldn't vent about. Family, in particular. Those are relationships that are hard to fix, and it's better to not start anything that you can't back up/clean up.
I just need to move out of my inlaws house.
We're not being lazy, it's just hard to pick a house in this area that we both like. Jared wants super cheap, fixer-uppers in places different where I want to live... and I don't know how we're going to come to an agreement. I can hardly wait to have my own space, a place to park my car and put my things. The idea of moving into something that needs work just makes me want to pull my hair out and scream "I WANT TO BREATHE AGAIN!!!" I've been dragged all over for the last while, and I know that still, I live better than most people in the world... but I want to be somewhere nice and rest.
That's all.
I'm watching the PBS documentary, The Mormons. It's strange to hear what people really think of us, even bothersome. We're not that odd. What do YOU think of us? I'd love to hear what you think, really.
One reason that it's taken me a while to blog is that I figured I should post pics, and that always takes an extra 4 seconds. I'll do it soon, but the reason I should is I got a har cut. A lot of them, and it is completely amazing. The best I've ever had, really. I feel so different, it's sooo easy to fix that after I do, I feel put together and ready to attack life. Every time I look in the mirror I am surprised - I look human again.
Jared's brother's family is staying here right now, and they have a 3 week old baby. It just shocks me mehow I survived those first few months. I remember looking at a young happy picture of me on Jared's computer 2 days after giving birth, and not only thinking, but knowing that I would never be happy or beautiful ever again. That I couldn't breathe again.
I look like me again. I'm kind of capable, I feel beautiful and even a little hopeful about my future. I didn't think there would ever be a light again... and yes, even though this unsure home situation, the insanity of being a mom first, violinist second... there is a small light. I LOOK like I was.
Now if I can just figure out every thing else.
What a boring entry... but you hit a dry writing spell, and you gotta start somewhere. Oh, and I can't really explain the puffy car thing, except that I just think it looks puffy and I wanted something puffy. It makes me so happy to drive in all its puffiness, my own little space. P.Diddy is my happymobile.
More sense to hopefully follow.
SUPERCRACK. jack.>.