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AmeriCAN

March 19, 2007 at 9:18 p.m.

Do you ever wait so long to make an entry that it�s almost impossible to pick back up and fill in all the empty holes? It hasn�t been because I was lazy � it�s because this move back to America was a lot more difficult than I anticipated. The last week was� intense. More culture shock than you�d think � it was just over 6 months? But it was hard, and now it�s better, but the hard part is blogging about it.

So I�ll try this approach, an itemized list of the happenings of Monday-Thursday:

1. The 10 hour overnight plane ride from Sao Paulo to Houston was fine, baby slept almost the whole time and all was fine.

2. the 2 hour flight from Houston was muuuch worse. Baby screamed. A lot.

3. Jared had to go to work that very day. Solei refused to eat and I ended up being all pooped.

4. COLD. It was REALLY cold.

5. Solei continued to refuse to sleep and eat. I felt like I�d been smacked in the head by a cultural sledgehammer. I typed this entry but was too depressed to post:

I didn�t love Brasil. I was hungry all the time because I couldn�t figure out how to cook the limited food choices, and every tiny thing was so difficult to accomplish. Now, I find myself in tears because I miss the people I knew in Brasil and even though now I can hop to Walmart and get whatever I want (guns, swimming pools, broccoli), I feel so alone because I don�t understand how to care for Solei without my friends. I don�t want to talk to anyone who knows me, I don�t want to be exposed as the real mother I am that has no idea why her daughter is screaming bloody murder, why she won�t eat or why I want to hold her in the car instead of make her sit in the car seat she hates, which was legal in Brasil, but given the latest Madonna drama, apparently here it is worse than eating your child�s brains. Which I have yet to do, so that�s one positive, right?

5. Day after day of baby that won�t sleep, and I am missing my friends in Brasil more than humanly possible. Jared now begins waking me up by jamming a happy pill in my throat with a cup of water.

6. Annie finds out my home number here and calls, insisting on cheering me up. And um, in less that weeks, she is coming to visit me. To poke my baby and giggle with me and insist that we NOT go to Walmart and that I cannot leave the house without putting on real pants and cooking for me because she despises my �Oh my gosh, ook a the directions on the box � all I have to do is add beef and water!!!!� outlook on food. LOVE me some Annie. But she is still in Colorado, while I am not, and have still not told anyone my phone works again.

7. Still living with our in-laws, still can�t find a car, still can�t get our cell company to get a clue and give us service, still can�t sell our house, still can�t find a new one. Wondering why I am so darn sad.

THEN � Friday.

I was pretty much desiring to live in exile here and stew in my bad mood, but I also knew that at some point, that would explode in my face and I�d be a mess that Jared would have to pick up off the floor yet again, so I made an effort and begged Little Miss (love to read her, didn�t know her yet) to take me out and acclimate me to normal life again.

We met at a church baby-things rummage sale where I was thoroughly introduced to the south �. WOW. But, the plus was, suddenly this really happy pretty lady popped her head into my life, introduced me to some sweet people and gave me the chance to watch her and her friend wrangle kids and babies and still have a sense of humor and look good doing it.

It gave me hope, it did. I�m still terrified to be a MOM in the American sense of the word, but hope springs eternal. And now I have FRIENDS!! We know how Reva likes friends!! In fact, she invited me out the next night to meet home more nice people, AND then drove me all over the area looking for houses so that when we bought one, we�d be close by. Can you believe the luck???

THANK YOU INTERNET GODS!!!

*Oh, and as finding a car has been a WAY more difficult task than I previously thought, I am giving up hope of the Jetta for now, but am having dreams every night of buying the house on Little Misses street and am trying to come up with ways to convince Jared that this would in fact be the Best. Thing. Ever. I�m even considering promising to try to not have any mental breakdowns for at least a week if he says yes.*

So now, I am all glowly because I have some friends, hope for the future, and my baby girl is sleeping through the night, eating regularly and is smiling at random people and charming the bejeezes out of everyone she meets.

I�m an American again. Such a weird feeling. I have guilt because life is so much better for me here than for my friends in Brasil. I won�t take this for granted.

OH CRAP � and I forgot to mention, I also went to a BEAUTY PAGEANT (yes, we know how much I despise those) BUT-- - - it was at a retirement home!!!!!!! So, so classy. Best way to spend an afternoon, I�d say:)

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wife. mother. musician. bloggerist for 7 years. holding on for dear life.

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