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dating tips

February 12, 2007 at 8:15 p.m.

Guess who got to talk to Urmi today!!! She�s got a baby ready to pop out at any second and I�m so excited for her I could pop myself. Except I already did. And the proof is now 4 months old! Yep, I have been a mama for 4 whole months.

Looking back (in my vast experience in parenthood) I really wish I�d been less scared those first few days. I guess it�s to be expected, what with our insane situation, and I was trying so hard to get everything right. I mean my MIL was here and all our friends here were so knowledgeable about babies, I wanted so much to everything just like the books said so I wouldn�t be criticized or compared to anyone who did it better.

Urmi is so ready to have her little boy � she�s got such a great attitude about everything and as always, it�s incredible and wonderful to have a friend there who is going through exactly what I am and can understand so well (grad school at the same time, married within a week of each other and now babies about 4 months apart? That�s more than luck, my friends � that�s a blessing). I wish I�d been as ready as she is. Guess I�ll just have to have 12 more.

I�m doing better � since we stopped nursing a month ago, things have been so much better, I don�t even remember how awful the nursing was. I have entries of HOLY CRAP THIS SUCKS and my chest now resembles 2 quite deflated balloons to remind me, but a few less panic attacks are nice!

I still can�t believe I�m a parent, though. Heck, I still can�t believe I�m married. I�m lucky to have incredible friends who are still in the dating process (including my brother � he�s single, ladies! And awesome!!) and I somehow find myself attempting to give advice. Holy crap, you poor kids!! But, really, I did learn a few good things. So I shall dispense it here. Feel free to mock me or add to the list

* First, there�s the honeymoon stage. You can�t get enough of each other, the guy is everything you ever wanted, he�s sooo attentive, he�s sooo romantic, he�s your best friend!! YAY!!!

* Then, reality sets in. You gots to live normal lives, right? And suddenly dream guy starts acting like, well, a guy. He needs his space, he�s sometimes spacey, and poor girl wonders why he�s changed?? He�s still great, but why does he not want to spend as much time with you as before? What�s wrong???

* Answer is, nothing. It�s called the rubber band effect (coined in Mars and Venus on a Date), and it�s when the guy needs to pull back and get some space. Totally confusing to the girl, especially when before he didn�t need any before! This is where things can easily derail (and did a few times with me), but if the girl understands and gives him some space, he snaps back (ala the rubber band), better than ever. He�ll need to do this a few times, but it will be less and less. Then, when he is understood and feels safe and comfy, the need goes away completely.

* Again, at first, you can tell him everything, yay! But at some point, they become a guy again. Isn�t he supposed to be your best friend, someone you can tell everything to? We not yet. Guys need a little time to learn to be good with you, just like you need to learn to be better with him. My advice, at the first stages, invest in your relationships with your girlfriends. Yup, we ladies know how to listen and give the right kind of feedback. He�ll learn eventually � you just have to be patient.

* Which brings us to � he�s not perfect yet. I�m not saying you can change a guy, ug, don�t even try. But the good ones will change � they will learn you, they will know in time the right way to calm you, talk with you and love you. If you see the guy making an effort to understand you and what you love, recognize it. Let him know you notice it and appreciate it, and he�ll love you for it. Man, I would never go back to when Jared and I were first dating (all 5 months of it � yup, we�re nuts) � but dagnabit, we�re a whole lot better at being perfect for each other.

* Hmm, this one is for the guys � when the girls freak out, ask them what is wrong. It�ll diffuse her, I promise. And if she start digging into you � stop her. You teach her how to treat you, and we girls can get petty and complain-y. Don�t let her treat you badly. That�s one of the things that you have to do that is �manly.� If she is attacking you verbally, leave. Walk out, If she�s a good one and is just having a hormone moment, she�ll realize her mistake and apologize. And if she doesn�t, I�m glad you left.

* Oo, and sometimes when she walk away upset, you�re supposed to follow us. We�re being idiots, I know. We should learn to stop doing that. But in the mean time, thanks for following us and loving us anyway.

* Lesse � I think the best thing a girl can have when she�s dating is a few awesome girlfriends. Without mine, I would have never survived the whirlwind dating or early marriage days. Even now, they are an incredible blessing to me. We need a guy, we can�t help it. But our girls will always be our lifeline. Don�t drop them when you find Mr. Right, that�s the worst mistake you can make.

***

Okay, enough with my long-winded �I am SOOOO wise�ness. I really did learn a lot as I was dating � I finally got good enough so I could stop:) Just thought I�d see if I could remember it all� usefull knowledge? Hopefully! If you disagree or have anything to add, go to it. I don�t know everything, I just married the guy who does.

SUPERCRACK is sooo wise. Mmmhmm.

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wife. mother. musician. bloggerist for 7 years. holding on for dear life.

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