sunshine love
January 18, 2007 at 9:23 p.m.
She smiles at me!! She giggles at me!! I think she likes me � just a little, but I think she really might!!
I named her Solei for a few different reasons. One big reason is that after Jared and I argued for months about names, I prayed that the right name would surface so we could have some rest. And a few days later, �Solei� popped into my head and I instantly felt at peace.
Also, once the name was there in my head, I thought more about it and it kept giving me peace. Everything surrounding the birth and my new life in Brasil was terrifying, and I was trying to be positive. I hoped she�d be a ray of sunshine in the midst of the fog.
Then after I decided on the name and told some friends, it was either Danielle of Annie who reminded me that my favorite song in the whole world is �Here Comes The Sun.� It hadn�t even occurred to me until then, but boy howdy did it make sense!
But then when she was born, her hair was so dark, she was so angry all the time, it didn�t seem like she was sunshine at all. I was lost and even questioned naming her thus (it felt like there was no turning back once she got her passports). But, time has helped, and I�m glad I had the faith to stick with it. Solei has turned into a baby, a bright, brunette baby with a smile that I do almost anything to see.
Sometimes it occurs to me that she doesn�t have any idea what a tree is, or what that constant barking noise is from, or what a butterfly is. It�s such a simple, yet completely foreign concept to me � and it makes me nervous to think that I�m the one who will be teaching her these things (I�m seriously nervous about the potty training thing already!).
And yet, when I take her out for our walks to the park, I almost trip over myself, just watching her face light up as she watches the passing trees and listening to her squeal in delight. She�s not sure how to voice her excitement, so it�s a half gasp, half yell, but I know what she means.
I know this is a totally sappy way to say it, but I�m really in love with this girl. I didn�t think I could this much, but every day she gives me another reason to fall for her. She is changing into such a sweet, sweet baby! (On an un-mushy level, this may be because I don�t make her try to nurse any more and she just looooves the bottle).
I taught her how to nap by herself, but lately I�d rather sometimes during the day that she sleep in my arms� I might regret her behavior later, but I won�t regret holding her, kissing her and telling her I love her at every possible moment.
Totally unexpected. Still hard. Still miss my old life. But if life has to march on, I�m so glad it�s with her.
SUPERCRACK mommy.