the boob rant
November 28, 2006 at 8:13 p.m.
I have been planning a rant on breast-feeding for a while. Every day something happens to make me despise it and in retaliation, think �ooohhh all those breast-feeding-la-leche-league crazy people are gonna hear about this- I�ll write a scathing blog about why doing this bites the big one!!�
But now, I�m just tired. Yes, it�s hard and miserable, but I�ve come to my usual reason for why things suck. It�s MY fault. Ask Jared, I blame myself for everything that goes wrong. It�s my default setting. I think this has to do with the fact that as a child, almost everything was actually my fault. I�d blame it on my mother if I could � she�s got the same default setting (so does HER mom, coincidentally) and so I usually DO blame most things on her and she kindly takes the blame (Love you mom!) � but nope. I will most likely continue the tradition with my daughter � family needs tradition, right? Anywho, breast-feeding sucks and it�s all my fault.
I HATE my breasts. Well, now mostly I just hate my entire body, but oooohhh how I wish how I had no breasts. I would donate them to charity, but who would want them?? Not me. Poor people deserve good boobs, these are naaaastay. Now here is a list � an ode, if you will, on why breast-feeding bites the big one:
* I drip milk. I DRIP A FLUID. I don�t even like milk, and it�s coming out of me! EW! When I least expect it, whammo, there�s fluid dripping. Ew ew ew ew. (and I know you�re thinking � �gross, Reva! Why are you talking about this?� and all you have to do is HEAR about it! Well boohoo, it actually HAPPENS to me, AK!)
* It hurts! I�ve been doing it for 7 weeks and it still makes me cry. It hurts before, during after, all the freaking time.
*�Use this cream!� every one says � �it will make your skin feel better!� No, it makes my skin feel goopy and stick to my bra. I�m sticky.
* It�s �indecent.� Okay, I don�t think this, most women who do it don�t think this, but a large amount of American culture get horrified and cry �COVER UP!� There was the incident just a week or so ago where a woman was kicked off of a Delta flight for nursing. GRRRR!!! Well, here, no such worries since women whip their breasts like pros, but I can�t help it, I just don�t want anyone looking at my formerly-useless-but-attractive boob. So I cover up � but even with a thin sheet, it gets so hot Solei falls asleep and can�t eat and I�m uncomfortable and miserable. And nursing rooms? Fuggedaboutit. No such thing here, gah.
* I want my body back. 9 months of growing, being uncomfortable, sick and fat, and now I want so much to lose the weight and feel like my body is mine again. But if baby cries, it�s my fault because she�s hungry. I have to stop what I was doing (though it�s not like I have any time to do anything anyway) and feed her � sitting in an uncomfortable position, trying to keep Solei where she�s supposed to be because believe it or not, she keeps forgetting the nipple is even if she�s on it, and then she gets hysterical and... it�s the best way I can think of to spend an hour every other hour. I hate being sticky, uncomfortable and in charge every time she cries. And then spending the first 3 minutes trying not to swear because it hurts so much. I resent her when she�s hungry� it hurts so much. This is not healthy.
* Jared feels terrible about it, but when she�s hungry at 3 am, no one can fix that except for me, even if I haven�t been able to sleep much lately. And I know what you�re thinking � why don�t you pump?
* I do, and I hate it. It�s more painful than nursing, and stickier, and there�s absolutely no way I can multi-task during it. So I only do it at night so I won�t be all engorged in the morning if she sleeps extra long.
* Oh yeah, and engorgement? OUCH! Waking up after a lovely night�s sleep because your daughter decided to sleep through the entire night? I can�t wake up rested and feeling good because I�m awakened by massive pain and leakage, no matter what type of pad I use. I just can�t win!
* Can�t do it on the go. It�s not a legal requirement to have a car seat for a baby, and YES we have one and use it, but sometimes in a rush, I�ve had to slip into the back seat and try to nurse. Massive headache. If Solei needs to nurse, the world has to stop for a half hour at least.
hurum...... I should really fill this with something positive.
Oooo, Solei just farted in the tub! That was awesome:)
Tomorrow I have some friends coming over, that's going to be nice.
Oh, and I am addicted to reading blogs! Especially people who I wuv!
And then Jared put a sweet post on ourfamily blog.
Thanks for indulging in my rant (of course, if you didn't make it this far, you didn't, but I'm not mad. Hey, it annoyed even me;)
SUPERCRACK. Annoyed at her rack.