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hello 23?

October 15, 2002 at 2:20 p.m.

I've been a pooooopy head all day. sore throat, achey muscles, and just darn frustrated with myself.

I'M TURNING 23 TOMORROW.

And all that self reflection I do every year at this time is not going so well.

Wow I've been at this a long time.... I turned 21 on this thing, and 22 as well. Now 23. what the heck have I done with my year?

I met Urmi and my life changed for the better

I sloughed of some negative influences (people) in my life an then things REALLY started getting good...

I tried to give up on violin but violin wouldn't give up on me.

I got to see Candis get married.

I got to go to New Orleans and have the best trip ever!!

I go to ski with Mat.

Give myself a black eye and dance with Annie on New Years.

learn how to make sushi...

play in a steel drum band.

Have Paul visit from England!

I got into grad school!!!

get really pursued for the first time... and fell in love.

Danced with someone I was in love with.. (didn't know it yet thought:)

Played a senior recital!!

Learned the lesson of "If you truly love something, you can let it go. if it's true, it will come back." I learned to let go.

Moved amidst turmoil and left my loved ones in Texas...

Waste an entire summer (but at least Casey and I got jobs!!!)

See Mount Rushmore.

Go to Disneyland.

Move to Arimazona, and along the way meet some incredible good samaritans (they still call almost every day to check on me!!)

Be what I've always dreamed of - A MASTERS STUDENT!!!

It came back and I fell right back into love with my best friend.

hmmmm..... but somehow, I'm not pleased with this list. Where in here did I do something all that great? I think 21 was much more productive. Maybe I'm just being hard on myself, but talking with Loren last night really got me frustrated with where I am in life. The magic of Loren is though, is that I can wig out and be the stubborn mule of a girl I am and he still loves me.

yeah, he needs help.

So I've been sitting here, composing frustrated pissy e.mails and deleting them. Trying hard not to scream or cry right here in the ASU computing commons. When I get this e.mail from Loren...

*

".......Life is really good for me though just as a little tidbit of info for you, I have this wonderful woman in my life. She is this tall sandy blonde hottie that is so funny and smart too. She and I talk pretty often and I really think she digs me. I can't stop thinking about her, is that bad? I can't imagine anything going wrong between us but then again thats because I'm so retarded for her. I'm not usually like this but she's just that awesome, can you believe it. ME..... of all people..... totally smitten with a woman. You should really meet her sometime, you would be impressed I'm sure. She is perfect in her imperfections. That is to say she has realized that she is progressing in life and has not limited herself at a certian point in her maturity or growth. I love that about her. I can't wait to see where this leads. I'll keep you posted as things happen though, but for now I'm just soaking in the happiness she gives me...."

*

Wow. For a boy, he's pretty sensitive ... I think I really do love him. *psssssstttt the girl is MEEEE!!!!!!!!* And it's all okay somehow. Tomorrow I'll turn 23. Waking in my little bed in my little room in my little house in this state where I know hardly anyone... but I guess I'm not alone.

SUPERCRACK is 22 today. but tomorrow...

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