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painupdate

March 05, 2003 at 9:41 a.m.

okay, can't write much because of the pain. i'll make it quick.

the tendonitis is still awful in my left hand, and this weekend my right hand seized up. it's going to be okay, but the doctors don't know when i can play violin again. it's really scary. i hope i don't have to drop out of school.

Smiles held my hand for the first time on saturday and i couldn't hold his back... rrrg. it hurts so much. it has loosened up since then and so now i can and i gee golly like it. i gee golly like him.

i got asked out on a date yesterday by some random guy and i turned him down. i don;t want to talk to smiles about it because i like how things are - it's moving slowly (he kissed my cheek the other night! heehee!) and i don't want to push things by trying to define stuff and get all serious. so i told the other guy i didn't want to go out and i figure it's my decision if i want to be exclusive so blah. i never did the dating-3-gys-at-once deal very well.

and i'm twitterpated. end of story.

the othe thing is, smiles is 27. he plays the guitar, loves to jam, is a wotrthy clean guy, has a degree, served a mission and his life seems pretty much together.

i'm afraid he'll notice i'm a complete mess.

even though i'm not.

i have admitted i have a problem though - i'm seeing a counselor and some doctors about eating stuff. i'm really underweight again. i just can't bring myself to eat. and that's why my muscles are broken. dang it, my roomate informed me today my boobs have shrunk again.

eeep. i wonder if smiles thinks i'm attractive... i'm a bony freak!

and now my hand is in searing pain again. must stop typing.

SUPERCRACK is whack!

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wife. mother. musician. bloggerist for 7 years. holding on for dear life.

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