listening skills..
July 09, 2004 at 1:06 a.m.
I'm up way too late.
Somehow, I got the urge to watch/listen to my senior and masters recitals. Now, I'm not a perfect violinist by any means, an sometimes I get so critical of my off-tune notes and missed phrasings that I don't want to experience recordings to myself, but tonight I did.
I want to cry.. it was really an amazing feeling. I played my senior recital 2 years ago, but it feels like eons. I worked so hard for that day, and it was a beautiful experience.
Watching the video of the final piece on my masters recital was the oddest feeling. The first movement I'm still stiff, but I have determination. Around minute 7, my crazy uncle started taping my ankle ad such. what a weirdo, but the second movement I begin to really smile. It's such a rmantic, beutiful melody.... and then, somewhere after minute 15, it's the last movement. Just before it begins, I smile - I know this is the last major bit to play for the masters degree - I am loose free, and happy the entire movement. It's so interesting to watch.
The, I get to play Cascade... my present to myself, a bit of jazz with my good friend Jimmy Dunn. I look completely different, my arms are free, my body is loose and I can't stop moving I'm so happy. The very end is such a release.. I'm so surprised and happy. I DID IT.
I think... a year before I performed that, I couldn't even pick up a violin without pain. The school didn't communicate with me and I lost my scholarship. Months before, my beloved violin and bow were stolen and I had to deal wth it and find a new instrument. The day before, I found out my boyfriend didn't want to celebrate the day with my family and me and would rather go snowboarding, and I had to break things off so I wouldn't be emotional and upset while I played.
But I did it. I'm so grateful... so blessed.
This is just for me to ponder on, but I know someone is looking out for me and loves me. Wow, I'm such a lucky girl. Or blessed, rather.
Now I'm listening to Ready. I may not be the best, but there's some music in me that gots to come out.
In a week, I head to Atlanta. And then back to Denver and then back to Atlanta again. Adventurous? Maybe, but if I really was, maybe I wouldn't be so scared.
SUPERCRACK is going to do it. No question.