beautimus thoughts
2001-07-24 at 11:46 p.m.
I woke up. I practiced violin for a long time. I went on a bike ride in this incredibly rural piece of the Pacific Northwest.
The mountians are a splendid view - the pine trees are massive - the flowers are so carefully maintained and smell divine.
Time has stopped here - I can't believe how peaceful I feel. This is not me. And how I don't fear practicing. Is this a different dimension??
And so I'm pedaling down the street, feeling like letting go and flying away into the gigantic sky...
And then I remembered the end of the movie City of Angels where Meg Ryan has the same life-affirming moment on her bike and lets go of her bike and runs into a logging truck and DIES.
I stopped my bike and tried to catch my breath though the gasps. I think my brain is trying to kill me.
****
Still, I couldn't be in a better mood. I was so afraid to come that I can't even describe it. I hate practicing and I fear my reliatives. And everything has been absolutely perfect. Except for this one MASSIVE ice cream cone. Freakin' thing nearly killed me.
Tonight as I got ready for my shower, I stood in the mirror and looked really closely as myself. Eastern European hospitality has done its darndest to erase my waist and has almost succeeded.
But my body remains the body of a 21-year-old. Does that qualify me as a woman? A grown up? And suddenly, I'm looking in shock at myself - where the heck did this body come from??? I'm five foot nine and 130 pounds and I'm friggin' 21 years old!!! When the heck did this happen???
This is normal right?
SUPERCRACK is keepin' it reeeeeeaaaaaaaaallllll, baby...