on love
February 21, 2005 at 9:01 p.m.
I'm learning something very interesting, being married and all. Well, tonight I learned how to play raquetball and that was way cool, I liked that:) but another big thing I learned is that Jared and I are different.
I know, DUH. But as I learn how different we are, it begins to really amaze me that how different he is from me, he works really hard to bridge the gap between because he wants me to be happy. It really is amazing.
You guys should take this quiz - it's about the 5 love languages. We all express our love in a certain way and understand how it is given differently. The different ways are (stolen from a website to help explain them):
Receiving Gifts: Presents and physical tokens of affection move you. It's the fact that someone is thinking about you enough to give you something that moves you. The objects are of secondary importance to the relationship and sentiment with which they were intended.
Quality Time: This can be expressed either through those intimate t�te-�-t�te discussions or via doing things together.
Acts of Service: You prefer to show your love through favors and chores and doing things for others. You feel put-upon and unappreciated when your efforts are taken for granted.
Physical Touch: You want to give and/or receive affection physically. This may or may not center on sex.
Words of Affirmation: You need to hear praise to know you are loved, and you may also prefer to express your affection verbally. Negative comments cut right to the bone. You want to hear that you're loved and how much and why.
So there arises a problem when one person is showing love in one way, and the other person doesn't recognize it as such. Like when one person always verbally tells someone they love them, when what they really want/need is someone to spend more time with them, and so they feel the other person isn't really showing them love, even though the other person is, just in their way.
The trick is to learn the other person's love language and show them that... and then for the other person to understand that the other person is translating the way the show love, and thereby appreciate it, and vice versa.
Does that make any sense to anyone?
It all boils down to the face that Jared and I show and feel love differently. He is and Acts of Service guy - he does so many amazing things for me to let me know he loves me. I'm a Physical Touch/Words of Affirmation person. I don't know why, I just really need both. So sometimes I get bogged down with how I'm not getting what I need, and it's hard to translate what he's doing so I can apprecitate it and then he in return feels good. It's even harder to find out that when he does show love in a way I'll understand, he doesn't enjoy it as much as I do. I shouldn't feel guilty, but a little part of me does. I don't know how to resolve it in my mind either. The fact that he does it though speaks volumes for how wonderful he is.
I knew before any of this that the most important thing for him was for me to be happy. Sometimes it's hard to be happy when you get focused on what you need and forget what the other person is trying to give you. You have to learn to show love to them in a way that isn't exactly comfortable for you, but if you really love them, you want to let them know in a way they'll understand. And then appreciate what they are giving to you, even if it isn't what you recognize as much. Because understanding that someone loves you enough to show you is important to them. My mom was married to my dad over 30 years before she found out he was a Physical Touch person, because he knew she responded to Acts of Service the most and he, in his forever giving way, gave her that because he knew she'd feel loved then (my dad is pretty much the the most selfless guy in the planet).
This marriage and loving someone thing is hard.
But you know what? It's so, so worth it.
I love my husband:)
SUPERCRACK does.