judging and love
March 30, 2003 at 11:47 a.m.
I wish I could write more and more often, but I hand is trying to get better and typing ouchies it. Well, the tendonistis isn't technically in my hand - it's in my arm up to my wrist, but since everything hurts I'm not going to be picky.
This weekend my church had an insane activity - a men's fake "beaty" pageant. Mr. 54th Ward (that's the name of our ward - or "parish"). I was looking forward to it - it was promising to be an insane blast - my Smiles had been nominated and I was excited to go -
until I got a call the night before asking me to judge. AK!!!!! Waaaaaaay too much pressure!! It's not like it would be hard to be unbiased because I knew Smiles didn't even want to do it so not a problem cutting him... not until after the 2nd round - I wanted to see him squirm:)
There were guys up there in full scuba gear, rasta wigs, just insane stuff. It was hilarious. The swimsiut competition was great - the had to show their suit - but not wear it, because I personally find judging someone's body in that manner is disgustiong and objectifying. So they were creative...
One guy was wearing a barrel - there were the aforementioned scuba boys - one guy pulled a speedo out of his pocket - but the best was a guy who sheepishly pulled a fig leaf out from behind his back. DUDE. Fall down laughing.
In the end, I think we made a mistake in the winner because we didn't have enough time to deliberate... we just chose the winner of the last round and not all of them. The winner was still hilarious - his interview question was "how would you tell your wife that you want to have 23 children?"
His reply; "Honey, kids do stuff. We could get them to do everything - we could have a diamond mine in the back yard. You like diamonds, don't you? You want diamonds, right? We could have 23 kids and you could have diamonds!"
Oh man.....
all in all though, judging those guys was so hard and I didn't really enjoy making decisions like that. But being asked to judge was touching.. maybe some people think I'm cool?
I'm struggling everyday to be myself. To eat. To breathe and remember who I am. It's a weird time for me... I have no violin to play and I feel lost.
But it helps when you get daily e.mails from your mom... I want to share this because it is soooo uplifting. And it's true for many of you out there whom are loved and working towards the same goals. Enjoy, and thanks Mma Bear. I love you.
Dear Reva,
Thought I'd reiterate what I spoke of this morning. You are a powerful, worthy, wise soul. Do you have faults, weaknesses, imperfections? Who doesn't. They haven't stopped you from anything yet, have they?!?!? You are a warrior. You come from a family of warrior-women. We are richly blessed because we could be trusted to carry out all that our Father in Heaven asked of us. There have been stumbles along the way, that is the nature of mortality. But when we were called, we choose to accept our calling in life with all its attending challenges. Does that make you or us flawed? War wounds, maybe, but flaws? Never. Life isn't fair.......so what. Life is good. I experienced pain, my mother did even more, and you have as well. So? Did that ever stop any of us? Never. Life is a test and you have done remarkably well so far. You are not that same little girl in kindergarten who teared up when strange, new challenges were placed before you. All that you have experienced for good or ill just adds to your well of wisdom from which you will draw to help and inspire others. For some one who has an organic need for friends, you survived incredibly well with an introverted mother and periods of time when friendships were scarce and unreliable. You are beginning to come into your own and recognize your wise and wonderful self. Your testimony is 'da bomb'! Your figure is scrumptious. Your eyes are forever gorgeous. Your laugh is genuine. Your thoughts are pure. Your consciences is clear and sharp. You never take the easy way out. You're a spiritual heavy weight. You're an experienced "mountain" climber. Never doubt yourself! Besides, you come from a great family who all love and adore you and have supported you all along the way. Some day you will discover the man who can match you on all these levels and more, and he will recognize your war wounds for what they are - badges of honor.
Your Father in Heaven loves you no matter what.
Your mother and father and brothers love you no matter what.
Your friends love you no matter what.
Don't settle for anything less.
Don't forget who you are.
Don't doubt yourself.
Carpe diem, sweetie.
Love,
yo mama
SUPERCACK says hug time!!!! NNNNNGGGGGGGGGUH!!!! thanks!