thoughts on what I'd like...
June 02, 2002 at 11:34 p.m.
FRIDAY! FRIDAY! FRIDAY!
June 7th, 6:30pm UNT Recital Hall
MY SENIOR RECITAL!!!! reception following, you gotta all come!!!
(unless you're in the Ukraine.... Lilia, you're excused:)
Such a wonderful day, Sunday is. When you do it right - the way you're supposed to - keeping it holy and all that jazz - it's awesome.
The day was almost perfect... except for my negative pianist - but her crap aside, I've gotten a hold of all that joy I had discovered this semester. Beautiful, beautiful.
And it got me to thinking... I had that joy for a while even after I started dating Crabtree, but then my scripture study began to suffer a bit and I wasn't as joyful for a time. A short time, thank heaven. But I wonder....
Is it possible to love a boy AND have a strong relationship with the man upstairs? It seems my spirituality declines when I'm dating. Granted, until now - they've all been spiritual and emotional leeches, but even with a nice healthy relationship like I just had, I lost a bit of shine. Why is that?
I know it won't be perfect for a while - until the ONE comes along, all my relathipships are doomed to be flawed, I know, but I really hope that all that works out when it's for real.
I also want them to be smart spiritually. Whomever he is, I want him to have served a full mission and be bursting with lessons they have learned that they want to share with me.
And I want them to want to see me. I want them to want to see me even after we've been dating a while and have gotten into the comfortable stage.
And I'm just hoping that when the time comes, these things will be there. They've never been there in any relationship I've had, and I don't want to live forever without them.
I just hope these things exist. I'd rather never date again than do without again.
Ech, enough. I'm calm and happy again, and quite surprised at myself for being this okay in the face of all the craziness in my life right now... and I guess the answer is I'm back on track, looking forward. And my prayers aren't getting caught on my ceiling anymore, if you know what I mean...
Anywho, it's my last week in Texas. I'd live it up, but I'd better go practice instead:)
SUPERCRACK is off to the races...