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thoughts on leaving and preparing....

June 07, 2002 at 12:10 a.m.

it's almost tomorrow...

I'm so excited to play this recital, it's like it's my freaking birthday.

It occured to me today - this is IT. I've shown all the nay-sayers that I could indeed get a bachelor's degree in violin performance... I'm about to play a great recital, and in a few months I start my masters degree at an amazing school with a full scholarship.

This is really all I ever wanted out of life... as a little girl, all I saw myself doing was going to college and getting success to slip into my back pocket to give me a feeling of strength. I don't know what's coming down the pike, because this feeling is all I ever dreamed it could be.

If life gets better than this, pardon me as I explode.

Tonight I went to the Brickhaus for one last time with the crew to play geetar at open mic. I don't have anything worked up right now because all I play is violin, but I did my famous Search Engine(the Moose Song) and Greg was on hand to do the Thong Song again with me.

I didn't want to do Float or any of my good new stuff, because I knew I'd just start crying. And I don't want to cry until after I play the recital.

Oh, and then the waterworks are on...

I did end up getting teary tonight because Pete played that song again that he wrote about me leaving.. it's so beautiful. But I sucked it up. Not till tomorrow, dang it.

Kazu did an amazzing bit of performance art tonight (no surprises there:)... this time after he had played violin while tap-dancing as his usual thing... he ended up playing a Japanese flute and walked to the bathroom, was playing in there for a while (it's near the stage) and then got out and started randomly turning off electrical devices, i.e., a lamp and such. So glad I got to share in that piece of life again... he'll be at the Mark O'Connor fiddle camp this summer and they're goona go wild for it!!! I can't wait!

When I went to pick up Kazu and his girl Stephanie to go to the Brickhaus, she fed me ahomecooked meal. I've eaten out every day this weeks, so it was such a treat. As we sat there, college students converging on a small apartment with mismatched furniture and make-shift storage space for random kitchen items in the living room... I realized this was the last time I'd get to do this in Denton. Tomorrow night, I will have my parents here and I will be moving on out. This was the last time I'd sit there on my own, connecting with these people from all over the world and have a family, right there in my growing world.

That feeling was the greatest feeling when I finally came to college. Being with random people in our own reality, connecting and learning and listening and laughing.

I have to go home to my parents house now in Colorado for a little while. I hope people in Arizona like to sit around and commiserate.

and now....

back to psyching myself into the mindset. I have never been this confident or ready before.. we'll see what I have to say...

SUPERCRACK is zoned.

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wife. mother. musician. bloggerist for 7 years. holding on for dear life.

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