performing and junk
November 29, 2001 at 11:51 p.m.
today was one heckofaday.
I performed the Debussy in front of 30+ string majors, passed a piano test, performed at Bruce Jam on guitar and also at open mic at the Brickhaus.
I'm all performed out.
I was so frustrated after the departmental (the violin thing). COulda done better - if only I hadn't gotten nervous at the last minute. But there were so many people there... and they all knew what good violin is supposed to sound like. DANG I hate having stage fright.
I didn't get nervous at my grad auditions. Why now? Well, these guys are my peers, I know 'em and I fear 'em.
Don't get me wrong - it wasn't BAD. It just wasn't the beautifulness that it was when I played it for the Long Beach faculty and for myself. When you get nervous and you start to shake, you have to tighten up so the bow won't drop.. Gag.
So right after I played I went up to the top of the recital hall and listened to the rest of the performers. Oh, and wrote a letter to Dallin. Golly, I'm always writing in SOMETHING when I'm bothered.
And I was wondering why it wasn't as beautiful as it was when I performed it in lower stress situations - and here is my brilliant decision:
When you get nervous, you loose your top 20 percent. The absolute best you have, not so much o' that, you just rely on everything else you have. And you know what? My bottom 80 percent is getting better.
That's something to be thankful for.
I was so worried - I've been so happy because of my nice auditions where people were so nice me me and then.... I couldn't let it get me down. I just couldn't. So I definately needed to go play guitar, oh yes. Hold on to my little happy and make some more happy
And I can say without being a liar that my guitar playing and singing tonight was so good. Urmi hit it on the nose - I get better everytime I perform.
Wish there were more places I could perform violin so I'd get better faster. Maybe that's what my masters is for.
DO I TALK ABOUT VIOLIN AND MUSIC TOO MUCH??? DO I EVEN HAVE A LIFE ANYMORE???
Oh, I'm excited - I got invited to a Christmas party. I can't recall going to one of those ever. I'm going to wear a sweater and drink apple cider and make small talk. Goody!
And I would just like to say that Urmi is the most incredible make-up artiste in the world. I always look so freakin' gorgeous when she works on me. Even my big Polish nose doesn't look so big.
le sigh.... I am this exotic little violinist with this blissful little life of woes and joy...
SUPERCRACK is just being...