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you think you know me?

April 11, 2003 at 11:34 a.m.

I'm supposed to be doing homework right now but Zane and Linus just disappeared into a practice roome to find out the various keys we are transposing to in the Haydn sonata that we have to analyze by last Wednesday so I'm going to hang out here and wait until they come back and copy down their answers...

so is my life now. How do you non-musicians do it? Golly, it's boring!!

I mean, it feels good and different to wake up and not have this terrible guilt and pressure as soon as you open your eyes - just the knowledge that somehow you need to get school and life done that day plus manage to squeeze out at least 3 hours where you can try and focus and practice.

Not having that burden is kind of relieving, but at the same time I'm really starting to miss it. And I don't wan to be a non-musician.

B doesn't really understand why my masters is so important to me. He said yesterday the odd thng abut me is that most of the girls he meets have been raised to prepare to be a wife and mother someday and that's what they're working towards - while I was raised to perform and have a career.

What he doesn't see though is that I was prepared for all these things I have to do in life - but I refuse to limit myself to just being a wife and mom. I want my children to grow up and see what their mother did and can do and say "i can do that!" I make the same mistakes my mother did because it's so easy to rationalize them in my head and say "well I respect her and she did this..." and I push to become a better musican, teacher and person because she did that too.

He also thinks he has me figurd out.... well, he's coming closer anyway. last night he realized - even though I have been telling him I am an extrovert - that the one thing that i thrive on is other people. To hear my name shouted excitedly by a friend when I enter a room - heck, I don't need anything else. I neeeeed the people that love me.

It's not a bad thing - it's who I am and there's no point in saying it is bad becuase it makes me feel so freaking good. And I've managed to live here without my loved ones for quite some time and I've survived so I think I've proven I am not a psycho human addict. I just love 'em, that's all.

oooooo love to love you baby..........

And in funny news, yesterday my roomate grilled some cookie dough on her George Foreman grill. DUDE!!!!!!! And you believe it??? It looked disgusting but she said it wasn't that bad and ate it with some ice cream.

EWWWWWW

I think I'm going to try it later.....

Okay, they're back. Have a friggin' sexy day!!!!

SUPERCRACK is off to Haydn!

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wife. mother. musician. bloggerist for 7 years. holding on for dear life.

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