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arm=ow heart=mush

March 10, 2003 at 12:09 p.m.

greetings from your favorite invalid!!

Dang I miss the violin... the hand gets better all the time but it's not fast enough. I haven't played the violin in 2 weeks now. I haven't taken this much time off from violin since I was 3 years old!!! I have to see my teacher today and I hope she's understanding. She doesn't want me playing. She wants me to heal. I just need to be better all at once.

I went to the doctor today and she said I was getting better. But I dropped 5 pounds since Thursday and she doesn't think I'm trying hard enough to get better. I am! I ate this weekend! I had so many marshmallows at the bonfire Saturday that I almost got sick!!!

(and YES Urmi, I ate some other healthy stuff first:)

But it's still hard to stomach food, and the doctor says my body is in starvation mode and that it will be a while before my body will actually take the nutrients from the food I eat and use them to heal me. I'm just trying to breathe right now.

I just didn't realize things were this serious - I ate a bit of breakfast today and by 10am I was starving. But I went to class and then went to lunch and thought nothing of it.. but walking to go eat made me sick and by the time I was sitting down to eat, I could hardly see straight. I am slowly realizing how sick I am. This is scaring me like crazy.

But I can get better. I know it. Friday I took myself out for a pity party and a nap before my date and called Urmi. I told her what was wrong with me and she just started yelling.

"you know better than this! You are a grown woman and if you can move away from home and gt a masters degree you had damn well learn how to take care of your body too because you can't be this stupid!"

Or somehting like that:) And she's right... I got up and get home feeling new and healthy again. I dressed myself up for my date and had a blast. Because I CAN control my life. And it doesn't have to be bad.

Dang, I miss Urmi. Thank you, sweetheart. Thank you for believing in me and never settling.

I WANT TO BE BETTER!!! I WANT MY BODY TO BETTER RIGHT NOW!!!!

What have I done... all I want to do is play the violin. I miss it so much. So, I eat.

^&%#^%$@^#^%#$^$@^#^%#^%$@%$#^&^$@^%$#%

Must run to orchestra soon... Just wanted to mention that I had the best weekend and also the most freaking romantic moment in my LIFE -

imagine this:

Arizona desert at night - a huge roaring bonfire in the background - a giant movie screen showing My Big Fat Greek Wedding set up in the wilderness with big speakers right in yo' face - couches and blankets strewn everywhere with tons of people enjoying themselves - and Smiles and I, right in front, curled up in blankets and each other on a big futon mattress under the stars.

Le happy sigh... I'm so twitterpated I can't stand it. He's the ultimate. Don't know what that means, but he is. We both look like idiots, grinning all the time like chesire cats. But we can't help it. At least I can't. He's dreamy and funny and so sweet and....

golly I'm sorry. I can't help but gush. It's not that he knows what to do to make me this happy - it's just that who he is makes me this happy.

I don't know what I did to deserve this, but I'm goona be extra sure to keep on doing it.

SUPERCRACK says the next one will be a more complete update about all the Smiles doings, I promise:)

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wife. mother. musician. bloggerist for 7 years. holding on for dear life.

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