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heck yeah i'm doing it...

June 05, 2002 at 10:53 p.m.

i'm floating... i'm really floating...

My dress rehearsal today was outta siiight. My teacher spent an extra ten minutes telling me how much he would miss me and how high his esteem was for me... my favorite was "you are one hell of a violin player." It's been a bumpy bumpy five years but I'm finally on the right path. He was so kind... he told me how much everyone loved me and how everyone always mentioned in their lessons how they enjoyed me in the studio and...

I'm a good violinist today.

I taught 3 lessons to kids I've taught for 3 and 5 years. Everyone was so sweet and made me feel like I had found a place here. Golly, little Somak blew my socks off with how well he played, and Brooke and Erin played a Bach minuet together... and I kept thinking - I taught them how to do this?? I put their first violin in their hands and trained their little muscles and eyes to do this?? I'm all glowy...

This is all the validation I need. My scriputre study and testimony are on track and I'm doing well at what I spend all my time at...

so do you think it's possible to feel this good and be in love with a man at the same time?

I don't know about that... I have no frame of reference to judge. It's always been boys or violin. Boys were a taboo extracurricular. And now I'm being told to settle down with one, and I kept getting burned by being with 'em. What the heck does that teach me?

And why am I writing about this???

This thought came to me as I was driving home tonight. An interesting thought, but not even a thought I can entertain right now.

Nope. I am too freaking happy to go deep about that stuff. My recital is the day after tomorrow. I am not 20 anymore. I am nothing like that scared little girl who played such a weak junior recital. I am a professional violinist now. I have strength and light that I do not shun anymore.

And my teacher thinks I am one hell of a violinist.

SUPERCRACK is doin' it!!!

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wife. mother. musician. bloggerist for 7 years. holding on for dear life.

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