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someone else's baby

September 28, 2007 at 4:54 p.m.

Monday morning, something changed.

Solei woke up angry - she never wakes up angry. She spent most of the day crying and carrying on. I was clueless and upset, as was she. Jared came home at 6:30, stuck his finger in her mouth and annouced "She be teethin'!"

So I know you're all going to say this teething thing is the reason that she still this way. But I have another theory.

Suddenly, she screams for no reason. She's medicated now, by the way. But she goes BONKERS when she wants something. I officially cannot let her see the remote or any telephones because she will HOWL. She wants them SOOO BAD!!!! Full-on tantrums, people!! As Elizabeth, she saw it on Tuesday!

We are just a few weeks shy of her first birthday. I know this is supposed to happen. She WANTS to communicate so bad, and the only way she knows how, especially now, is to scream. Fine, I get it.

But seriously, I had been rejoicing in my perfect baby. The nice, sweet one that doesn't scream. Not like the other babies. No, I have the NICE baby. I HAD the nice baby. Well, she has her happiness too, but adding it to the temper and the akakak she has every now and then. More now than then.

I can't get her to eat real food still. I try to spoon anything into her mouth, and she flips out. She hates the intrusion. So far the only things we know she'll suck on for sure are 1. croutons and 2. granola bars. Mostly croutons.

I so don't feel up to the parenting thing. I was so smug last week, checking out all the crazy babies and congratulating myself that my baby was perfect. This week, she's discovered temper tantrums. Like the other babies.

I am so ashamed.

I HAVE GIVEN BIRTH TO A HUMAN.

There's all these women at church with kids just older than Solei and they're pregnant. There's pressure. "You have one, she needs a friend!" I am so not ready. I have discovered through first-had experience that I do not handle caring for newborns well. Or like it. I have mentioned repeatedly, however, that I do not plan on having an only child. I want more, I just... don't want them until they are 4 months old. I cannot imagine going through this again.

Which, DUH, means I'm not ready yet. When my brain decides that I have sufficiently forgotten the misery that was giving birth and the first 2 months of parenting, then I'll be ready.

But it's days like today that make me wonder WHY I would ever want to go through this again.

Must go. Baby is momentarily being being adorable baby.

SUPERCACK is soaking it up!

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wife. mother. musician. bloggerist for 7 years. holding on for dear life.

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