freeze
August 18, 2007 at 8:24 p.m.
She's walking. The most adorable, excited and akward steps, usually 4 or 5 before she trips on her own feet and flops to the floor.
She crawls like a maniac - she knows how to chase me, how to crawl away laughing hysterically when I chase her, and how to get into every cabinent and shelf in the house.
She's got 4 teeth coming in, finally. All on the top, too.
And she's so incredibly close to her 1st birthday - it's just under 2 months away.
She wakes up smiling, standing up in her crib, babbling at me.
And I pray - "Please, please just stay this way."
She'll talk soon. Her steps will be more sure. She won't be my baby, she'll be my toddler. I won't lie and say that the first few months of her life weren't the hardest I've ever lived, and that I don't still have bad days.
But she's my baby. I'm used to it, I'm better at what I need to do for her now, and I don't want that to change. It's so nice to finally feel like I have a clue, I don't want to deal with what comes next.
I love her. And she makes it clear now that she loves me. I don't want a little girl. I want my little baby just like this. She's so much dang fun.
I'd just like to freeze, please.
As for me, I'm plugging along. Being back in the band is wonderful. I'm teaching again, but I find myself always doing something stupid to keep me up at night, to wonder if I'm just a fake, a horrible teacher.
I realy do make silly mistakes sometimes. Sometimes, there are moments of teaching "brilliance" but I guess I'm stil shaky from having taken a year off from the teaching game, and becoming a confused member of the mommy hood.
I go by instinct, usually. My parents are teachers, and they've taught my by example how to teach. A few weeks ago, a friend of mine asked me to come do a guest "violin" presentation for her school that she teaches at. It's a private academy for special needs kids, not the easiest of groups to try and keep their attentino for an hour. But I did a good job, I think.
So much so that they've already hired me back to come play/present for other classes. They are so glowing in their praise to me about how I engage the kids and talk to their level and get them to listen and sit and dance with me. It's not like I know what I'm doing, but it's just instinct from watching my mom in front of a class. And also, I watch the kids - if they get antsy, I move on faster than they can get distracted, it's just about being aware of my audience.
It feels really, really good that they appreciated me though:)
I'll get back in the swing of things. I'll get that flat tummy back. I'll be a better teacher at some point. But it's crazy that I'm still trying to get back to normal.
Next step on that? Decide what I want to do with my bloggityblog and whether or not it is safe to come out of hiding. I should just buy a gold membership and then download all my archives (you can't do that with the free version for you non-diaryland types), put it on a CD for safekeeping, and delete them from the web. Then I think it would be safe to open up again. I don't think the meanies that came after me last time would still be interested in me anymore, maybe? Heck, I can't believe they were that interested in me the first time.
I'll get around to it, and get closer to normal again.
SUPERCRACK will.