moving on... dang it.
July 03, 2007 at 4:18 p.m.
I was going to hide and close this and at some point, try to blog again somewhere else. But my friends have been e.mailing me and have been trying to figure out what happened, and I do want you to know what happened.
Without going into too much detail, a certain person decided my last entry about the insane bra-puking incident was the worst thing he'd ever heard and ranted about me in a forum on s0methingawfu1. He doesn't see reality all the time, and was really, REALLY angry. And his rant invited over 500 people to my blog who filled my comments with threats and disgusting horrible comments. I'm not going to tell you what they said, but I've never seen anything like it in my entire life.
Some people even posted my full name and address and threatened to come and kill me and Solei. It hurt what they said about me, but these horrible stangers said the worst things about Solei... I can't describle how much it hurts.
The person who did this at first lashed out at me and insisted I deserved everything I got. I don't know if he feels any remorse now, but I'm doing the best I can to forgive and forget. After all, being angry doesn't really do anything to the other person, and it can destroy you from the inside. So I've been focusing on not letting it affect me.
And honestly, somehow I think it's working. As I've been fighting depression the last few months, it's almost felt as I tried to fight it that I was just punching a cloud. Not so effective.
Now, I know exactly what thoughts I need to steer clear of and what to focus away from. And oddly enough, it's working. I've been focusing on how much I love Jared, and Solei, and how wonderful they are to me.
The other day I was shopping with Solei and an elderly man came up to us and talked to Solei, as most people do. She's a flirt already at 8 months and she looooves people.
"You can tell she's loved," he said to me.
"Oh yeah, I love her" I smiled to him.
"I mean... my dughter takes in babies that are battered and abused. She's got a 10 month old with a broken back right now. Those babies, they don't light up like your baby does. She knows she's loved."
He walked away and I was just kind of stunned. Solei just sat there, cooing away and smiling at me. I couldn't stop thinking of those poor babies that aren't loved... and my baby is, and knows it.
It stayed with me all day as I played with her and watched her light up every time I spoke to her. I started to feel something change in my mind and heart.
That night, I thanked Jared for having positioned himself in life so that me staying home and being with my beautiful daighter was an option. It has finally hit my heart how lucky I am to spend my days with her, my sunshine.
... not that what all those cretins dd to me was a GOOD thing, but I will say that I'm happy that things are aligning in my brain like they should. I know it's the answer to many, many prayers.
:)
I do feel that I need to go to another site that has some more security measure. Dang it, I just blogged about this and talked about how I DIDN'T want to leave. Curses. I'll have to take down all my archived and save them to disk, and use pseudonyms and stuff and the next place, so this person can't find it.
Livejournal has a great sense of community and locking controls, but I feel myself leaning towards blogger. I cannot figure out Wordpress, I'm just not quick enough for that.
Ideas?