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stop the universe!!

January 16, 2007 at 4:49 p.m.

One year ago we spent our anniversary at a monster truck rally. Because it was there. This year it was at a small pizzeria in Brasil.

It has to be downhill from here. Life MUST be more normal than this, right??

We�ve discovered/decided that Solei is changing in lots of good ways lately. Her smiles are just plentiful! And I know how to make her do them too. I have discovered her kisses=smiles spot. Right on her chubby neck! And if she takes naps, she ends up happier in the long run. It�s just hard to know how to make those happen. I was keeping her awake all day so she�d sleep through the night, and although she did, she sure wasn�t happy at the day time.

Good golly all this sleep talk is mind-numbing!!

Okay, one more thing on the baby front, and then I promise I�ll get a life. She loves to hear my violin!! She dances and stares at my fingers and smiles!! It�s so wonderful, because I love cheering her, but it also makes me practice. I�ve written 2 new little tunes already, just from the inspiration of watching her spastic legs!

Okay!! Onto some NON-baby talk!!

Hmmm�..

Um��.

Crap. I really don�t have a life, people! What do you expect outta me, huh?? Ooo, one funniness that occurred yesterday. I had Belle, our housekeeper extraordinaire show me how she puts Solei down for naps because she�s so darn good at it. She put her down on my bed in one smooth move that made it look like magic.

I was standing there, marveling at her baby skills when she indicated it was my turn (I hadn�t slept so well the night before). She pushed me onto a pillow and moved my legs like she�d moved Solei�s and then walked out of the room with a smile on her face.

Some of the best sleep, EVER. Dang, I have been royally spoiled. The best thing Jared could have done was hire Belle to take care of this house, and Solei and me. Jared is really looking forward to the possibility of getting back to the states, and good golly I agree, but I will so desperately miss having someone to clean up after me, and cook for me, and give Solei all the extra kisses and loves. Housekeepers are a luxury I could only afford here, le sigh. But oh, it sure has been wonderful while it lasted�.

&^$&^$&#%$#^%$@^$#@%$#@^%$#%$#^%$#&^$#&

I saw a doctor last week to see about getting my emotional levels back to normal. I hate admitting that I can�t do all of this without some help, but what with the move, the uncertainty and my body going through the trauma of childbirth, I guess there was no way I�d escape this situation without needing a helping hand.

The doctor said something super interesting to me though � he was a musician, as through getting my history and discovering that I play the violin, he smiled and said �ahhhh, it makes sense you should play the violin! You love control, you see!�

�No,� I told him, �that�s just it. I do, but I also have no ability to really control that much. I am horrible at the piano because there�s too much for me to try and coordinate all 10 fingers at the same time, I can�t do it. I can only control the 4 fingers I use for violin.�

�No,� he said. �I cannot see you playing a chromatic instrument like piano, it�s too easy. All the notes are right in front of you. The universe is always moving.�

�What?�

�The universe is always moving,� he repeated. �And you want it to stop so you can control just one thing, one note at a time.�

And the heavens opened for just a second � what a concept! It�s true, I would NOT classify myself as a control freak at all, but feeling out of control is the problem that sends me spiraling into all my pet issues. The small neck of the violin, just 4 strings, 4 fingers and no frets or arrows pointing to where the notes are � there�s my challenge. There�s where I can control my bit of the universe.

I told my mom she helped me pick the right instrument for my personality 24 years ago � I am definitely cut out for the violin. Mom worries that maybe violin was what made me so neurotic, but I�m pretty sure I�ve always been this nuts.

Well, the cherub has awoken. Better get kicking on earning that Mom o� the Year award. Hey, haven�t dropped her yet!!!

SUPERCRACK toodles!

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wife. mother. musician. bloggerist for 7 years. holding on for dear life.

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