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Pathetique

November 21, 2006 at 8:48 p.m.

Ak. This morning started out like how you'd expect it would.

5am she wakes - which is fine, since she went to sleep at 8pm last night. That's a pretty good chunk o' time, I'm good with that. It was so funny too - she woke up with gas, not painful, just the kind that wakes a girl up. SO I sat there half-awake and bleary next to her changing pad, waiting for her to finish so I could change her diaper - not every fart is harmless and I was waiting for all the explosions to cease before I opened the diaper just in case I got hit by a surprise. It was adorable, watching her wriggle about and fart. She'll kill me for this later, but farting surprises her and it's good to laugh if you are going to be awakened by it at 5am, isn't it?

Fast forward about 30 minutes � the cherub pukes just a little on my crotch. This is underwear change #1 for the day. Fast forward another 30 minutes - I�m feeling like I�m thiiiis close to getting her to zonk out so I can take a nap before the day starts. She�s eaten, she�s been burped, all I have to do is hold her until � BLAMMO! I�ve never experienced the massive-i-tity (oh yeah, it was so big it gets a new word!) of the unprovoked, complete without-warning spit-up that left me drenched from my shoulders to my legs. Underwear change number 2.

I was in a pretty foul mood when I finally got her to sleep, and decided to be in a foul mood the rest of the day. There were 2 more wardrobe changes before 10 am, anyway. Problem is, there�s only one glitch in my air-tight hate-the-world plan.

Namely, the most adorable kid in the world.

No, no that robot Suri Cruise, MY kid.

As pissy and angry as I want to get, I look down at her randomly, and she never ceases to thrill me. Her eyes are this deep blue that when she gets in the mood and stares up at me, are hypnotizing. And every now and then, there�s the smile. Gaahhhh. She slays me. It makes me want to hug her and plant trees for orphans or something.

I feel so guilty, I should be showing her multiplication tables or speaking to her in Mandarin so she will be smart and stimulated and better than the other babies, but I spend so much time during the day just staring at her. Not saying a word � I�m speechless � I just stare at her. She knows she has the power. She knows she�s way cooler than me. She�s holding all the cards. Mom is pathetic, like a group of pre-teens screaming at a boy band, firmly believing that That Guy can hear them and will be persuaded to marry her if she just howls loud enough. That pathetic.

I know this is as exciting as watching other people�s vacation photos, but I got a tiny glimpse of her gorgeous eyes while I was taking video of her during �tummy time� on her Boppy this morning, and I gotta share. I know, it�s totally irritating to hear �she�s even more beautiful in person, I SWEAR she smiles sometimes �you just missed it, and she can also walk and do algebra, but not when you�re around!� googly mom-talk, but, I can�t help it. I just love y�all so much and wanted to share a bit of what keeps me from becoming a reclusive psycho every day.



Yup. SUPERCRACK. Pathetic.

(oh my gosh she just coughed like she was trying to rid herself of some internal organs and it was SO CUTE!! Seriously, pathetic!!!)

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wife. mother. musician. bloggerist for 7 years. holding on for dear life.

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