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missing her

November 15, 2006 at 7:39 p.m.

She woke up this morning all grown up. She still fits into the crib and all, but I swear she got bigger overnight, I can�t even recognize her. She looks at me sometimes now, and there are faint traces of a smile every now and then, although I�m pretty sure it has noting to do with me or anything I�ve done. But she�s not that tiny wriggling thing with eyes as big as her head like she was the first week she was born. She�s chubby, baby like, less newborn like. I miss her.

The other day Jared voiced a thought I�d been having lately. �She been here a month, you�d think she would have learned more. She can�t do anything yet. You�d think she�d be able to make lunch or something by now.�

I must confess, I�ve thought the same thing. I jam the baby rattle my mom got her into her hand every day and it hasn�t occurred to her to hold onto it, shake it and become a world famous percussionist. I could accomplish THAT in a month. She�s managed to figure out how to grunt and kick us in the stomach, but the most she�s been able to do I think is punch herself in the face, but that might not be on purpose.

Her legs are thicker, so that means she looks less like a frog now. Big belly, skinny legs that kick all the time, she looked quite frog-ish. I miss the frog. But maybe I�ll feel better when she can make lunch for me though.

She stares at me though with a sense of wonder . . . I must say, I do love that. There�s a light turning on in her eyes � she sees more. It is amazing� It�s just that there was just something so sweet about the tiny wriggling thing as opposed to a chubby kicking baby. There really is a difference.

&^%&*%^$^&$&^$&^#%^$#&^$&^$&^$&^#%$#&^$&^%$&^#$

YAY Jared had work off today. A Saturday right in the middle of the week, it was GLORIOUS!! It was like he was unemployed all over again� those were some wonderful months. He kept productive, but every day was so sweet and fun, even if we were facing being broke and I was sick and pregnant.

My dreams are to be a rock star, to travel the world and all that creative fun stuff. Jared�s biggest dream? To be retired. Not to be a stay-at-home dad, but to be a stay-at-home couple. How fun would that be?? I remind myself that he�s trying to get closer to that dream every time we buy the cheapest of everything. Don�t spend it now, when we can live high on the hog after saving all our pennies by getting generic! (I�m kidding, I don�t mind buying the cheapo stuff, if it means we have more money for the other fun stuff in life)

I know he�s 30 and we have many many years ahead of us, and being retired is a looong way off. But a taste of the good life � just hanging around on a Wednesday, playing with our baby girl and being lazy? That�s enough to spoil a Reva.

^%$^%$#%$#%$#@%^$&^%$^%$#^%$#^%$#^%#^%$#^%$#

FYI � to all the amazing people who have been sending me supportive e.mails and comments and notes and haven�t heard squat from me:

Blogging every day is tough!! It takes so little, but you�d be amazed at how much time I spend putting her pacifier back in her mouth so cries don�t bug the neighbors as much as the noises over there get to me � the dogs, their phone, any moderately loud breathing, I hear it all.

So that�s my pathetic excuse for why e.mails take so long to get replied to. I appreciate it so much!! And it would make sense just to call you, but I still am not up to it yet. So go out and eat a cookie or two while you are waiting. I�m so grateful that y�all remind me that there is a world indeed out there � I am so out of it, I�m only vaguely aware that some entity called Spederline is over. (I know, you�re all jealous about that � I also didn�t see a single campaign commercial. It would be heaven if they only had sharp cheddar cheese here � which they don�t.)

Thank you world out there for reminding me you exist. My cello-playing gal Elizabeth in Alabama sent me construction paper and Funky Foam so I can decorate for Solei!! I was bemoaning the fact that it doesn�t exist here, and she sent it � even had to get a passport for some redonkulous reason to send it, but she did. How sweet is that??? I have some very good examples for friends � someday when I grow up, I�m gonna be just like you guys.

So thank you for existing. I seriously love you!!

SUPERCRACK is sending mental hugs to the rest of the planet!

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wife. mother. musician. bloggerist for 7 years. holding on for dear life.

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