torn
2000-10-09 at 10pmish
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I did not ask to be here
and I don't want to die this way
I don't want to be alone here
but I can't ask you to stay
-Mathew Mesareau Munch
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Isn't he beautiful? I used to want to scream that to all my former... people, but I lost the desire somewhere along the way.
All of the sudden, new thoughts and things want to spill out of me - primarily because I have a major test I need to be studying for. Manic Panic!
Ethical question: This weekend, my Dad was in Greely at a hotel and the guy checking him in at the hotel asked him if he was related to me. Yes, she's my daughter. I don't know who the young man was, but he told my dad that we attended high school together and I was one of the nicest people there - I'd always made everyone feel included and I was so kind.
Where is the question in that? Well, it made me feel fuzzy, and then wonder if the ensuing years have changed me. College has taught me to.... stop trusting everyone - they aren't going to be as honest as you are with them .... be careful, giving away your heart isn't what Disney told me - people won't respect it ..... smile and nod, and maybe they won't explain all those yucky inuendos .... don't depend on anyone, they don't treat a promise with as much gravity as needed ....
And still I am terribly trusting, too open and honest, extroverted to an unhealthy extreme, naive, optimistic, and am nursing a torn spirit with three pieces of a heart... duct-taped together.
I don't want another broken heart. Am I still her? She was so broken, but it was because she couldn't trust herself. I do now, but.....
I am, and will always - no matter the situation - be
SUPERCRACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!